Something accured to me...

I have always felt that my life was so much easier as a kid. Well DUH no bills, no job, no kids to take care of! But..thats quiet odd because my childhood was rocky and not the prettiest sight. A lot of kids don't really make it out with a perception like mine, so I'm told.
I've always been very proud of myself, walking through such insanity with more grace than a child could fake.
"I don't know how you did it, kid. I don't know how I would have turned out if that were me." I hear that a lot.
Although, who I turned out to be isn't some top of the class, book worm, attending college, doing something with my life...
Now my world is upside down. So many things that came naturally to me as a child are just gone. My tolerance is down and I wake up every morning irritated at the world.

I've always felt like I was protected. I always felt a strong force watching over me, I was a fairly reckless child. I always figured it was my dad who died when I was a baby.

A couple days ago, as I dramatically go through another aganizing day of being faced with harsh reality, I remember something and then it accured to me..

I remember playing in my back yard with my family and falling off the top of my monkey bars and landed on my back but I didn't feel anything. Everyone looked at me like, "Oh God, how hurt is she" But I was fine! A little winded, but totaly fine. I just continued playing. My sister came over and goes, in her very snooty voice, "Stop pretending you're not hurt"

Maybe no kid could have made it through all that without some help. Here I am praising myself for being such a strong person doing what I've done on my own then kicking myself for not knowing what I'm doing different now.

Maybe my angels were more apparent as a child.

I don't know whether or not it was my own strength and willpower that got me through it or if angels were watching over me. My heart tells me it was the angels so regaurdless I thank them all the time and ask for all the strength they can give to keep me going and to help no one ever feel the hell I've walked through.

Hello Wildflower.

You have every right to feel proud. Even if you had help from "angels, guides" anywhere else, it was YOU who went through it.
I too have been through some terrible times but I coped with them better than I had thought possible. Only after they were over did I begin to struggle, as if I had been helped through but now the help was gone.
Hang on in there. You are never alone, even if you feel like you are.

Peace and love.

No matter how much help one gets it is always oneself that has to carry through. So it is your strength that carried you through and use that to rekindle your childlike awe (innerchild). It is never gone though we sometimes seem to forget it. You might simply (though it is not always simple) have to turn things upside-down once more to get them rightside-up.