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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Death & The Afterlife

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Old 31-03-2007, 08:48 AM
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What do you say to someone who has just lost their son?

Hi all,

This is my first post here. I've often wondered if there were forums such as this and my situation has given me the impetus to find you.

As the title says, My very dear friends have just lost their 13yo son to a food allergy while on a school camp. I recieved the news today as the grandmother of the child left a message on our machine. My hand is hovering over the telephone to call them up but am completely at a loss as to what I might say and I'm feeling so emotional about it I don't want to break down while speaking to them.

If I lived close by I would just drive over and hold them, no words necessary. But we currently live at opposite ends of this very big country.

What on earth do I say?

I could try to comfort them with my own views and experiences on the afterlife etc but these people are very Christian and it might not be a good time to say anything that challenges their own beliefs.

I lost my own brother when I was nineteen and at the time I didn't want anybody to really say anything. The thing I appreciated most were the written correspondences we recieved. There were some truly beautiful words written by folk who could never say such things out loud and I'm afraid I fall into the same category.

What to do.

Old 31-03-2007, 10:19 AM
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Dear weareone....

I can appreciate how you feel at the moment - I have been in similar situations, where I know how people who have "lost" loved ones are needlessly torturing themselves in thinking that their loved one has "gone", more or less forever; and yet that is far from the truth. But how to convey that in a compassionate and kindly manner?

Of course you must follow your heart.... perhaps a letter would be the safest way to communicate...
Anyway, I wish you the best in your efforts to convey to them your feelings and your wisdom concerning the illusory nature of "death", and that their dear one is as close to them as a thought. Loving thoughts will always find their way to their intended recipient! Ask your Higher Self to inspire you with the best words to use, and it will, if you can be relaxed... Truth be told, being in the Spirit worlds is by far more comfortable and expansive than down here in the physical! (Even if the physical does have certain unique advantages). It may be that the son had completed what his soul intended him to do here, despite all appearances that may be to the contrary... one cannot really judge. So in light of that, may all concerned be at peace... nothing happens by chance; there will be a good reason.

Old 31-03-2007, 10:40 AM
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I agree with Pounamu. Of course you must follow your heart... Perhaps a sympathy card for now, simply letting them know that you are only a phone call away.

I lost my only granddaughter one week before she was due to be born. My baby had to give birth to her dead baby.

What could I tell her? How could my beliefs help her at a time like that?

Over time I got some comfort in sharing little gifts and cards with her. She now collects little angels - beautiful little statuettes that have given her a lot of comfort.
Old 31-03-2007, 11:52 AM
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Hi Weareone,

Yes I also agree with the others. Just letting them know how you feel in your heart is the best way. A sympathy card would be the simplist way, however you could write a short note or poem explaining how you feel. Tell them that your love and prayers are with them and their son.

As time goes I think the best thing would be to just tell them how you feel and you have no idea what to say. Sometimes the most honest words are the ones that matter.

I wish you well and God Bless.

Old 31-03-2007, 04:44 PM
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I agree it's never easy to know what to say in these situations. About five years ago I wrote the poem below when a friend lost his mother. Feel free to use it if you think it might bring them any comfort.


Those Left To Mourn

The passing of someone for whom we truly cared
Seldom will remind us of what all we’ve shared
Rather the countless things that we shall miss
Death never becomes a moment of soulful bliss
And though it is a natural transition of life
It burdens us all with a mantle of sad strife
But while common sense seems to be all asunder
Pause just a bit to study the spiritual wonder

For they are still with us in many small ways
They have only gone to a more peaceful place
Truly as near as an afternoon’s contemplation
Time spent ever so warmly in quiet meditation
You’ll feel the harsh numbing shock of dismay
Pause and let their spirit comfort your day
And think for a moment of the dearly departed
Would they really want you to be so dishearted

As the shock wears off there must be some way
Of finding a reason to carry on day after day
Remembering the joy that the two of you shared
Recalling the bonds that drew you to be paired
The rhythm that fueled your special stage play
And you’ll be able to connect the same old way
Memories alone can take you to a certain place
Where you’ll still see that sweet smiling face

Grief is an emotion that never does quite heal
The harshest of elements that we’ll ever feel
The sense of aloneness visits and won’t leave
With a hollow emptiness that you can’t cleave
But know that their agony is now in the past
And a new destination for them has been cast
There’s more to living than mere mortal death
They have been endowed with spiritual breath
Old 31-03-2007, 06:38 PM
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Thank you, each and every one of you for your words.

You have been a great help.

I'm so glad to have found this forum.

God Bless.

Old 31-03-2007, 10:40 PM
daisy daisy is offline
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when you do make physical contact i think the greatest thing you can do is to just listento them, my thoughts are with them and your good self xxxx
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