Heartbroken

hi

Have been on and off for 18 years with the same guy, on for 5years, split for 5 years, back on for 7 years and now hes left again.

Really don't understand whats going on as I feel he is the "one" so to speak.... Why does he keep doing this as each time it gets worse for me with the rejection? We now have a small child whom is also grieving, will it get any better?

Welcome, englishrosie, It doesn't seem likely that it will get better. Maybe it's time to accept that, you will always have a connection because of your child, but he's been taking you for granted, knowing that you always take him back, why not decide that isn't good enough anymore?

[astralsuzy]

I agree with Primrose. You should not take him back even if he wants to come back. If he loved and cared about you he would not do this to you. You deserve someone better than this person. Find someone that will always be with you. If you decide to be with this other person, it will keep happening again and again as it already has. He will keep destroying you again and again. You will have to keep going through this pain. I would not do it and I do not think anyone else would. It is your choice but I advise you to move on.

Its very hard when its the only person I have ever loved since I was 19. I do agree with you that I cant keep going through this and need to respect mysef and my son more. Ive had a few readings over the past week whom all have said "he is the one", so speak.... and that he is going to understand this time how he is hurting us? I don't understand as now im being told to move on ? so confused still....

[astralsuzy]

Forget the readings. Think logically. Is this right or not? Ask your family or a few close friends what they think. It may take you a few weeks to realise the correct thing to do. It takes me a while to figure out what is right or not. I always make the right decision. Give yourself plenty of time and think about it. Do not let your emotions get in the way. You have known him for a long time and it would be hard. He sounds like he is on a good thing. He could have a relationship and break up with someone and he thinks he will go back to you. It is very convenient for him to pick you up and drop you when he feels like it.

[Robinski78]

I find it interesting, that few if any, take into account the past, current and or future spiritual contracts (with their associated karma) that need to be attended to by either one or the other, involved in a SM or TM relationship...

Strange as it may seem, such events could be a phase we all need to encounter (and come to terms with) during at least one of our life cycles...

I'm not suggesting this is a fact of reincarnate life, more a reality (per se) having been faced with similar situations in my personal life and having come to terms with such...

I do know the logical side of it believe me! out something I have indeed analysed for many, many years in trying to understand him.

However this does not change the way I feel about him as he was a big part of my life for 18 years and I was not completely innocent in this?

In fact the second time around I treated him terrible due to him leaving me the first time as I couldn't forgive him, so I too have a lot of healing to do.

There is a very, very deep connection between us and this has not been replaced by another on his side either? The chemistry I know I will not find in another as it took 18 long years to build and its something that does not take overnight, including the trust side of things.

He is deeply hurt by me and shows great anger towards me which in reality tells me he is still in love with me.

Putting all things aside to do with logic, I feel when you have a connection like this with someone logic does not come into it.

I met with him today at a meeting and he showed a lot of anger towards me, even though we have been split now for over a year. Why is this?
He has lost loads of weight and looks terrible, he's not in a good place. I however have worked through my anger issues and feel no remorse, just miss him.

Can someone please answer me these questions:

Why does he hurt so much?

Why is he so angry, when he left me?

Why does he say the opposite to what he is truly feeling?

why is he so scared of marrying me?

How can I help him?

and finally............

What can I do to make him happy?

Robinski78 Sorry I don't understand what you are saying? I'm fairly new to all this and do not understand in reincarnation etc......

Originally Posted by englishrosie500

Can someone please answer me these questions:

We're all individuals, so what I think may not be the case, but I'll offer my opinion based on what I know about myself. I haven't done what your chap did by the way, so I'm afraid this quite generic, but its all I can offer.

Why does he hurt so much?

Do you mean why does he hurt you and others so much, or do you mean why is he hurting so much? If you mean the former, then very likely because he is hurting for some reason, so he takes it out on others. If you mean the latter, who knows. Most likely he is trying to be someone he is not, which is very damaging, until you just accept who you are.

Why is he so angry, when he left me?

Who is he angry at? Is he angry at you, or is he angry at himself and just directing it at you?

Why does he say the opposite to what he is truly feeling?

See point above about trying to be someone he is not. Perhaps he thinks he shouldn't be feeling what he is feeling. For example, us blokes are often taught that to cry is a sign of weakness. I believed such rubbish for long enough, so every time I got upset about something, instead of crying, I'd shout and roar at whoever was in range. My wife now knows I'm a great softy, and if I have the urge to cry, I will cry, and stuff what anyone else thinks.

why is he so scared of marrying me?

Without knowing you, I'm going to assume you are a lovely person. That being the case, perhaps he is worried he is not enough for you? Perhaps he is worried that getting too close means lowering his guard and showing the real him that he is trying so hard to conceal. Perhaps he simply hasn't worked out yet who exactly he is, and can't possibly commit to anything long term until he's worked that out.

How can I help him?

By making it clear that you and your kids are not toys to be messed about with. By telling him you're happy to let him see the kids and you'll be civil with him for their sake, but he's not getting back into the house until he's worked out what exactly he wants.

Otherwise he'll just keep using you as safe refuge. Every time he's feeling lonely he'll come back for a while, then when you all think your a happy secure family again, he'll be on his way, breaking your heart and your kid's hearts all over again.

and finally............

What can I do to make him happy?

As above. There's nothing you can do to help him figure himself out. He has to do that all on his own. Until he's done that, he wont be happy. Be civil with him for the sake of the kids, but make sure its clear that he's not coming back to stay until he sorts himself out, and even then, only on your terms. If he thinks he can always come back to you on his terms, he'll never figure himself out, because he'll always have on the back of his mind that you are his safety net, and I'm pretty sure you deserve to be much, much more than that.