How do you really forgive someone?

How do you forgive? Easy!
YOU DON`T.

Forgiveness is an issue that I have struggled with for years until recently. I will be honest. Nothing I have read or heard about forgiveness has ever sat very well with me. All the cliche phrases about forgiveness annoy me, too. :)

Neale Donald Walsch finally said the one thing that made me say - after all these years - "Oh. My God. That is IT." Your soul always feels when something is right.

Paraphrased, here is what Walsch said: "All the Universe says is `YES,` therefore, if you believe in forgiveness and being a forgiving person, then rest assured, you will always be given a person or situation that you will have to forgive."

What we are after is UNDERSTANDING and LOVE. Love is hard at first when we perceive that we have really been harmed. But we can initially, with effort and time, reach a place of understanding. You can come to a place where you can say, "Oh yes. I can see where someone with that upbringing, environment, etc. would have behaved things out in that way."

All the Universe says is "YES" so... give understanding and you will get understanding. Understanding is compassionate, peaceful, loving, evolutionary, wise.

Forgiveness is pointing a finger. Someone is right, someone is wrong. There is no peace and love in the concepts of self-righteousness and shaming. Even if you never let the person know you have forgiven them, you are still taking a stance of self-righteousness. And you walk away having gained strength (because of your tough experience) but no wisdom/insight.

That is why people have a hard time saying sorry too. A doctor named Guy Finch wrote a book on the subject. I agree with him that adults are still stuck in that 4-year-old mentality of your mom making you face your friend or sibling, and you have to grudgingly say "sorry." If you teach a kid to reach for UNDERSTANDING, however... and teach them to imagine what that person might have felt like, the kid will probably WANT to apologize, just on their own, sans any shame.

If you notice, on the rare occasions that people are sincerely wanting to apologize, it is because they get it. They have reached that point of empathy and understanding.

Watch the video "Forgiveness Forgone" on YouTube. Enough said.