Friendship

[Inika]

There is a person that seems to like me a lot. He is often visiting me everyday and finding some reason or other to be here.

He just left and asked me out on a beach day trip with his best friends. I've not met them yet and I know he's told them about me, but not sure how much of what and where he believes he is going with me.

I'm not at all in any space for a relationship and told him this as he dropped hints of 'im at the point in life i just want to live it with someone by my side' and im not at that point at all.

Im single and fancy free and totally love it. I dont mind friendship, but is that possible with men? And how can I let him down gently? I want friends, i just dont want lovers. I dont want to kiss him or have him hold my hand or anything. I do not want anything intimate with him.

I know what I want and its not anything that depends on another to bring it together.

I do fancy someone else. but im not sure if that is possible. Im not having it hold me back but i dont like to settle if i dont get what i cant have. Im happy to continue on in life and let God give what God wills me to experience and learn and I trust my feelings. pulls and all, no matter how karmic strong. I trust its all in purpose.

I'm enjoying friendships. The company (not just from him) is great to have around. We all laugh and have a great time. Lots of fun loving energy and maybe it's attracting him more? Me being in my own. holding my own, starting my own business (like he has) and being upbeat and happy each day. He's always around.

I just want to not be in a position to have to make things awkward :(

why did he have to go and like me for?

Now im a jerk.

[ocean breeze]

Decline his offer and go to the beach with me instead. Just tell him: "No, i can't go to the beach with you because i'm going to the beach with ocean breeze from spiritual forums instead." I'm kidding, i'm kidding, but that would be funny.

If you want to go, can't you say that you are bringing your own car and friends, and can meet at the beach. That way you are not completely alone with him and his friends.

Luckily i don't have any issues declining and saying no. If he's really a friend i'm pretty sure he will respect your decision to say no if you don't want to go. And yes i do believe its possible for men and women to just be friends.

[Inika]

hahaa you on fire with the funnies OB

[OEN34]

Be honest with him, which you already have.

As long as you're honest then how he reacts is up to him. You can't control that.

I have a few females friends. I don't see them loads, but it's a completely sexual free, non-flirty relationship with them.

[linen53]

Some men are thick headed and can't take no for an answer. They think they can change your mind. And they think if they try hard enough you will relent.

Don't lead him on by not saying "No". That's not fair to him or you.

When he shows up at your door, say you were just leaving. And leave! He'll get the message eventually.

Sorry guys who read this. Not all men. Just some.

[Inika]

you're right linen. He tells me I need to take a risk.

I'm not 16, i dont need to take the risk to know its not what I want.

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by OEN34

Be honest with him, which you already have.

As long as you're honest then how he reacts is up to him. You can't control that.

You can do this, what OEN34 has said is good, if you don't want to do that you could just say your a lesbian.

Originally Posted by Inika

Im single and fancy free and totally love it. I dont mind friendship, but is that possible with men?

Yes this is possible.

[linen53]

Originally Posted by Inika

I dont mind friendship, but is that possible with men?

It's only possible, in my experience, if one of you is already committed to someone else. If both are free and unattached assumptions are often made. "Your single, I'm single, why, we could hook up."

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Inika

you're right linen. He tells me I need to take a risk.

I'm not 16, i dont need to take the risk to know its not what I want.

You're so right, Inika. No one needs to jump off a cliff to learn they don't want to die. You already know you don't want a casual encounter and/or that this man is not the one for you.

If I had a fiver for every time an unscrupulous gent talks about women taking risks to a woman (me) he barely knows, I'd be rich. Decent gents take note - this doesn't mean you.

I feel it's insulting to make these sort of comments to me, as if a man in service to self knows anything about me and my heart. Particularly when he's clearly not asked or not listened. It's especially insulting when it's from a friend, because then you typically have to back off the friendship as they're taking it down the wrong track.

The only folks I want giving me this kind of unsolicited advice are those who love me and want my best. And NOT because they are trying to angle to get something out of it for themselves at my expense.

Although I fear Linen is right most of the time, I also hope for a better time for humanity in future...because we CAN be better and we CAN do better, I know it in my soul. It shouldn't have to be this way, that the majority of time many men spend with women is either in pursuit of sex or inside a sexual partnership (nearly always devoid of a mutual authentic love).

When most men get that the meat of everything is the love of souls...whether in friendship OR partnership, because BOTH are beautiful and both are gifts. And that without the love of souls, to hell with the sex.

When most men get that and seek that and live that with the women in their lives (whether as friends or partners), then I truly see humanity turning the corner.

Peace & blessings
7L

[SaturninePluto]

Inkia,

I am in the same place you are at here.

I am in no way interested in a male- female intimate, sexual, or personal relationship right now.

I have recently had a friend of one of my brothers tell my brother he had a crush on me, word travels fast, my brother told me- all excited like that he knew someone who likes me and told me who.

This friend of ours is a great guy, great friend, he has always been very very kind to me. But while he was visiting, the subject of relationships came up- casual talk and I stated boldly and without remorse how I feel currently about relationships- essentially I stated I don't want one right now. I am in the process of getting my stuff in order.

My brother didn't find this to be nice, he told me it was disrespectful of me to be talking about how I feel about relationships in front of his friend who likes me.

I do not understand people. How is being honest remotely disrespectful? How is saving someone hearing my blatant "No". by stating in fact ahead of time that I am currently not looking for a significant other remotely disrespectful? It is the truth. It is respectful to be honest in my view. Others seem to indicate they'd prefer lies. But I will lie for no one. I live by my own moral standards. They dictate I do not lie. As I wish to be treated by others- what I put forth to them you see? I tell the truth, and therefore expect the truth or not to be lied to in return. The world can go and not work that way all it wants. People can LIE To Me all they want. I do not have to by any means however- Lie To Them.

Then when all the stuff hits the fan so to say- I still have my Spirit In Tact, and walk away unscathed by others, for I have not gone against myself.

Yes Inkia, as others have said- Tell the man the truth.

If he truly is a friend he will respect how you feel, and respect that you were honest with him. That is actually a good way of telling whom our friends are.

Do they show they are attempting to respect me? Yes. Good.

If he on the other hand after being given your answer NO- continues to push the issue- male or female- that is no friend. Then he would only be considering what he wants from you- in others words only considering himself here. Male or female- when I say No to my friends, and they then push the issue- I can be certain they do not respect me. Therefore they can not be my friends see? Why? Because I will try and respect my friends wishes- if my friend told me no, I'd have to take that for an answer. By my own code. If I pushed it- well that is just plain selfish dishonorable behavior on my part. It goes against myself- my friend will not like this, and become angered with me- I therefore would be bringing anger to my very own Spirit, see?

Saying no does not make you a jerk or the jerk.

That makes you honest. You are also not obligated to say anything else, you do not even owe him a reason or an explanation as to why. All you need to say is no.

If he pushes it after you told him no, that would make him the jerk. IF. As far as we here no he has not pushed it like that yet. As I do not believe you have said you have told him how you feel already.

Just be honest man.

It is for the best.

And at the end of the day you walk away unscathed because you were true to yourself.