Awakening Psychosis - please help

[Sarahpro]

Thank you so much.

[Sarahpro]

It’s not other people, it’s my own mind telling me horrible things

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

It’s not other people, it’s my own mind telling me horrible things

Perhaps your mind is trying to tell you things it believes you need to hear. It thinks it is being helpful and doing it for your own good. Often those horrible things the mind tells us it first heard somewhere else, perhaps long ago, and didn't think to question them at the time, it just believed them because it trusted the source. Later it repeats them back to us. Listen closely when the mind tells you these things, see if you can't hear another voice in them.

[Truth307]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

It’s not other people, it’s my own mind telling me horrible things

Try what I said. Turn your self talk into positive self talk and change your mindset into a positive one. Excercise, do the yoga, work and meditate. A great soul once told me, 9-5 work (for the mind), 6-7 exercise (body) and in the evening meditate (spirit).

This constitutes a balanced human being, and takes care of your mind body and spirit.

[Sarahpro]

Ok thank you truth 307. I am on board with positive thinking cuz I’m operating at thinking level atm, however yoga meditation not sure. I am hyper aware of my mind all the time. Well I guess grounding in the body is good but I feel like I focus too hard and more prana rushes to my head and my thoughts have become like psychedelic....

[Sarahpro]

I have generated a plan to allow in enough love to go into the darkness. So far not effective

[Truth307]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

Ok thank you truth 307. I am on board with positive thinking cuz I’m operating at thinking level atm, however yoga meditation not sure. I am hyper aware of my mind all the time. Well I guess grounding in the body is good but I feel like I focus too hard and more prana rushes to my head and my thoughts have become like psychedelic....

It’s not just that, deep meditation is no thoughts. It silences you’re mind. The silence is our true state where we can just Be. You need to relax, be at peace and stop the chatter in your head.

Google samadhi, deep meditation. The best time to do it is 12.30am onwards. The above suggested routine for a balanced person is great, work, excercise, mediate (mind body spirit).

[lomax]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

Hi there, I have already posted multiple threads but things have not gotten better.
I began to have fear arise in March and instead of feeling it out, got stuck in it via delusions- dissociated into a false sense of enlightenment, a few delusion-fueled suicide attempts...(only the last one was physically serious)
Tried to meditate instead of stabilize and feel like I dissolved my healthy ego structure...so now my sense of time and sense of self is kinda lost...just like ascension symptoms but without the love and peace lol. And instead of having those healthy judgments and discriminations of others that we all have, I just blame myself now, so instanced where I’d usually be angry or irritated or compare myself, I just beat up myself.. also normally I have this spiritual ego like not arrogant but just like “I’m so love and light and ppl love it” but now that I feel more darkness it’s been replaced with insecurity of being dark and spreading dark and fear instead of love and light. I clearly developed a grandiose sense of purpose otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten so delusional, but I did really connect with my purpose of connection and unity, and now I feel so disconnected from that. Definitely grandiose though but the thoughts are there- “you’re spreading fear vibration now and everyone around you can feel it”
Honestly I have also attributed this to false ascension matrix/mind control- evidence being: suicide attempts fueled by random creative delusion, weird sexually perversion info pouring into my crown chakra, sudden urge to google fallen angels without any prior knowledge, intrusive thoughts of dark agendas, weakening of my heart/soul although it could just be due to getting stuck in old trauma, and lastly, realizing that 2 guys who I saw as very spiritual and loving and whom I thought were walking me thru my awakening were actually manipulating me, possibly encouraging the suicidal behaviour or at least didn’t stop it, encouraged the fallen angel concepts, encouraged staying unstable and trying to meditate my way out instead of getting help.
I have all these self critical thoughts and I can practice mindfulness and see them for what they are but it doesn’t mean I feel totally beat up by myself
The anxiety and insomnia has not really subsided even with meds, and it seems like it is fracturing my mind and soul even more- ie self criticism gets harsher and I feel a loss of my essence.
I’ve been trying mindfulness. Deep breathing. Yoga. Running. Nothing stops the obsessions. I’m convinced I need love. Although these might be toxic words - needing love- am I just pushing it away? But my heart feels empty although sometimes I can connect with someone I love. I often try to shift my focus onto Christ or some enlightened being to uplift my heart.
I dunno what else to do- I was down to just give this time and take meds and stabilize but it seems like it’s not improving and maybe causing further damage
So now I have this sense of urgency to release this fear...easier said than done. My fear is of my own mind. I had a healing session with my yoga teacher the other day and she was energetically healing my heart and then fear arose and I wanted to release it and she encouraged this but I expressed that every time the fear arises, it causes further fracturing...and my mind is constantly observing itself and evaluating itself...so I’m afraid of the fear cuz of the damage the resistance to it seems to cause... I’m afraid of my own mind becoming more crazy... it’s not like I’m afraid of a virus that will end soon. I’m afraid of losing my mind which follows me around 24/7.
but I’m convinced if I can harness enough love and light then I can face it properly .. how to do that? My ideas are Meditate on Christ or others, or soul retrieval... where a shaman blasts your soul pieces back in ur heart and you reexperience the trauma. I know this can be destabilizing and I know this would mean reexperiencing the fear I am resisting so hard but I can’t let it go as a possible solution. I even sometimes wonder if after the serious attempt, my soul has just fully left my body, but I dunno if that’s possible. I feel like my soul is becoming more and more fractured as the days go on and I feel the need to reverse it or stop it or something. I just don’t know how to be patient when it feels like if I let things go at this rate I could fully just lose control. And yes it’s ironic that maybe if I stopped worrying about my mind then things would calm down but I unfortunately cannot just stop.
Therapist suggests not a good time to face this fear, however it is creating all of these reactive thoughts...!!
Thanks for reading and for your suggestions.. :)

Poor girl.In my case,i experience all of this you've described,plus poltergeist activity at a daily basis.
And all of this for almost six years now.

Anyway.

The whole thing is happening much deeper than a healer or magician can reach..No matter if you hire the best healer around,results will be temporary.
After a few hours it'll come back.

Here's what can give you temporary relief.

Put 5-6 dry bay leaves into 200-300ml of water and leave it for almost five-six hours.
Then use the water to spray your chakras and your head.Just some drops of it are enough to purify an area,
Of course the problem will return soon,but nothing stops you to spray your self at a daily basis.(i do it as well).

Wish you luck.

[lomax]

Also treat your solar plexus well.(stomach)
Do not give it work to do.(digestion)
You need it's strength.
(I'm not saying not to eat at all).

And no more junk and proccessed foods.

This dark period is draining your energies.You have to treat your body well.

[lomax]

And of course a reading from the member ''bartholomew''
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=113033