"A centipede was happy – quite!
Until a toad in fun
Said, "Pray, which leg comes after which?"
Which threw her mind in such a pitch,
She laid bewildered in the ditch
Considering how to run."
A spider met a centipede while hurrying down the street,
"How do you move at such a speed, with all so many feet?"
"I do not have to contemplate to keep them all in line,
But if I start to concentrate they're tangled all the time!"
- George Humphrey
About five years ago, I was diagnosed with Conversion Disorder which a few notable neurologists attributed to childhood trauma...it is also called Functional Neurological Disorder and the symptoms have been steadily and progressively getting worse...to the point where I can barely walk anymore...simply because my subconscious mind has forgotten how and if I make the conscious effort to do so, my movements are so jerky and uncoordinated until eventually, spasms (dystonia) and seizures result.
It is also extremely tiring to put so much conscious effort into doing such a simple task..well, it seemed simple when one didn't have to think about doing it... now, the awareness of every muscle, nerve and fiber needing to work and move in unison, leads to endless bouts of Chronic Fatigue.
It is also called "hyper reflection" according to Viktor Frankl...and I am just starting to research it...and how being a neurotic introvert with Health Anxiety can cause a total paralysis of the limbs as well as hysterical blindness, being unable to swallow or speak...the list of symptoms is pretty much endless.
This was also exacerbated a few years back by a full blown Kundalini awakening...which only added insult to injury until my whole nervous system has pretty much shut down...sleep apnea being the biggest danger here.
I have tried CBT, DBT, Adaptogenic compounds and all of those things seem to provide some relief in the short term, but then my body gets "used to it" and the symptoms return with a vengeance once it does.
I am aware that dancing, programmed movement or subconscious movement can assist here to rewire the brain which has lost a great deal of its "neuroplastic" ability through neurons which have simply died through disuse so they just cannot "fire" anymore.
If anything was to describe my disorder, it would be "centipede syndrome" in which my mind has been internally habituated for SO long, it has started attacking my body through the nervous system.
So, just putting this out there...