Twin Flames and Losing Your True Self

[Caligirl4ever]

I recently had a relationship with my twin flame, which was probably the most wonderful experience I've ever had. However it ended after a short while and we are no longer speaking.

During the time I was with him, it really made me realize who I am as a person and made me be the best version of myself. After our separation, I was devastated at first, but I had a feeling it was only temporary. The thought that we may reunite, even if only as friends, kept me moving forward. I decided to spend this time pursuing my interests and develop who I am as a person. I really felt so happy and was growing as a person. However there's a big problem.

The thing is, he was always part of me being my true self and I can't seem to separate myself from him in that sense. For instance I started developing new interests but the thing is some of them were things he was interested in too. Recently something happened that made me lose hope in any reunion, I became very depressed and can no longer pursue any of those interests because it reminds me of him and is painful. And even when I try to, I just don't have the passion I did before. And also I miss those times with him because I was so happy and free back then, and knowing that may never happen again is heartbreaking. The thought of losing him is painful, but it's even more painful that I lost myself. I am really lost on what to do and how to feel whole again.

[Noel29]

I know what you mean. I had to separate from mine for the summer in order to find myself again. When he first started distancing himself from me in the spring, I began to lose myself because the more he would run the more clingy I would get. I got so depressed and lost myself.

It's been over 2 months since I last heard from him, he blocked me on everything. It was much needed though because it allowed me to find myself without worrying about him. Lately I've been missing him so much and all I can do is hope that he's happy where ever he is. I'm a lot happier than I was a few months ago, I'm finally me again, and every day I'm growing and I feel like my energy is balancing.

I found that I've taken an interest in some of the things he likes too. For example my twin flame loves long boarding and over the summer I tried using my friend's long board and I'm literally a natural at it, I'm better than she is and it's her board lol.

I think your best bet is to just try and distance yourself from him. Don't allow yourself to look at pictures of him, don't EVER check his social media. Go out and about be with friends try to distract yourself. Go for a walk outside.

[alcyone]

Part of what made me lose interest in what I did develop interest in with her was fear. She was really big into 3 things. Art, film, and writing.

Specifically horror and scifi. At the time I was getting into horror movies I watched Oldboy, Re-Animator, Return of The Living Dead, and then the whole Saw Series is what threw me off and set the fear of horror movies in.

Then I just never drew anything after a little while, like a month after the after seperation, because I would think about her while drawing.

I also lost my ability to write stuff. Most all of my writing was negative and dark stuff so I stopped that too.

What makes you think it may never happen again?

I ask because believing that is a kind of negative affirmation. If you believe it enough that's how it'll be. As things stand it may feel like that. A break up is hurtful but our wounds heal and we eventually move on. Things start to fill the space between then and whenever your now happens to be as the days pass.

I think it's quite common for a pair to get involved in each others' interests then if you break up the impetus is lost. Could be the person introduces you to something that becomes a life-long interest and that's nice - eventually you twig that it's a part of you anyway. Or that as a result of knowing the person you've grown. We all learn from our encounters with each other.

You haven't lost yourself. Honestly. It's how it feels now but you are always a Self in your own right. Go along with this t/f stuff as much as you like but you never surrender your being, your soul, your Self to another. You might share - there may be overlaps - and you grow. But no one can take your Self from you. It would be as bad as claiming they can take your soul which is impossible (or you turn into a zombi in which case you probably wouldn't be posting here.)

It's honestly sorrowing to hear about break-ups. Things take time to heal. But you're clear on a couple of things: 1) that you're capable of great happiness and 2) you have developed your own person and you're continuing to do so. The brightness of your future is holding on to the belief that it will once again be bright when the clouds clear.

[RedBasket]

I think you've identified a natural step in this TF journey that doesn't get enough attention. After the alive feeling of that love bubble with your twin when you feel so amazing, the separation produces a feeling that you have lost yourself, that you can not be whole without your twin, but you can't stop them from running. And the personal work you do alone sometimes makes you feel better, but there is still such a longing for the twin and this stirs up the pain of not feeling whole enough yourself. It is actually a devaluing and abandonment of yourself, I think, for you long for them so much that you forget that your own sense of well-being exists within you. Or that phrase just doesn't resonate - it sounds so cliche.

Eventually you realize you don't need them as a catalyst to make you feel alive, and you don't need them to witness you when you think you are feeling alive again.

It reminds me of a false wall of wellness. Even though you are digging deep and going through your pain, there is a stage in "being fine on my own" that is similar to a false self facade. You seem well on the outside and you are living a full life, but deep inside there is a nagging feeling that undercuts this "progress." The nagging feeling is this: "... and yet, I still miss my twin." And this longing for your twin is your soul's way of telling you that you haven't quite arrived yet. There is more work to be done. There is nothing wrong with appearing positive, but there are still layers of the onion to unpeel when your core still misses your twin.

Henri Nouwen captures this process well in his book "The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom." To me there were a lot of gentle encouragements to persist through this stage you are describing.

[DejaVU]

Take charge of your interests. Do not put thought into self doubt and thoughts of tf. Take this time to create and manifest things into your life. For all the negative thoughts, believe tf will return, know that this is a necessary step for your growth, to bolster, and embolden your interests!

Know that there is a plan in place for you and tf. Make that your spark and your drive. Its just a part of the plan in the universe for you two. Something that will make you better!

So don't fret about the next step but celebrate in where it will take you and tf next on your journey.

All good things will follow.

[firstandlast]

Let me be absolutely clear about the manner of your situation; you have never lost yourself-- And the reason why you cannot possibly be who you thought you were, is because you have not died to the forms you identify with--

That is to say, you are not a better person because you need him in your life; but that when he was there, you were able to recognize that life that you are so you can act accordingly-- It was not the forms that allows you to be yourself, it was the relationship you had found with reality that allowed the forms to express that better quality of existence--

You will never find that in yourself if you do not come to realize who he is; and you will never find who who he is unless realize you are not the forms but that which the forms are an expression of--

That is, you are haunting yourself with death, thinking that you are the thing that changes, rather than being awake to the thing that is changing; and this whole process is designed to bring you into grips with who you are as a being and as being within the being. A total identity, that appears so different to us in form; that if we do not consciously die and consciously become aware of the motives within death are obscured by relationship to it-- if you became the amazing thing that you are without realizing it is who you are now, then you will never realize that what is on the other side of death, is you; and unless you can understand the exact difference between you before and after, which isn't different as all; than you will die every time you decide to change without knowing in your heart that you are what is that is changing it and your reasons for doing so--

So to be clear, everything you need to know is in front of you; and because you do not like it, than you can see that is a way that you have allowed yourself to find that which is making the changes, because you must truly realize why you do not like it, and why it is so totally fine to be unhappy with it, just as long the work is done to bring into realization the truth of why, so that you can act in no other way but that highest manner, to whom which you have little clue of yet--

[firstandlast]

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