What is unconditional love?

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Originally Posted by username4this

He is the only one that can fill this void inside of me, only one that makes me feel whole, at home, his presents deletes my yearning, my void, this hole, emptiness I have inside my soul ...------------ I know you gonna say "you have to fill it on your own" - we been there already lol but it is just not how things works...

It absolutely is how things work. Many people have experienced it this way (re: unconditional love) and live without the pain of separation from their twin. They just continue to work on themselves. You have to do this even when you are with your twin. It's a mantra that people preach because it works. Twins come back when they notice the change in you. This is also true in many people's cases, including my own.

The TF connection is special, but be careful how you label it. I am a firm believer that you manifest what you believe. If you decide to continue living in sorrow and pain because you aren't with your twin the way you want - which is all ego based - then you will live in sorrow and pain.

Rather than saying that this is unconditional love, I would just let go and surrender. Wish your twin all the best and move on.

There comes a point when you decide you don't want to suffer any more and just surrender. It sounds like you are reaching that tipping point. Many of us have gone through this shift in thinking, and we came out the other side and we're still here, posting about it.

I wish you all the best in your journey! Much love, peace and harmony.

[username4this]

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Thank you so much for you kind words, best wishes to you too :)

Can you please elaborate on this

Wish your twin all the best and move on.

Move on as accepting you are not gonna get him or move on as going on on a date with another person, or moving on as falling in love with another?

I do appreciate what are you guys saying about moving on and filling the void but I also feel like there is a higher power that keeps things in order and sometimes it is more about the timing than about that drastic change in other human being.

Sometimes people like to give themselves more credit and describe internal changes as something huge and big and mysterious and all that, but I would say it was more about the timing than about depth of changes... I dont want so sound cynical but that is how I feel sometimes...

I believe there is a higher power and there is some kind of an order out there and sometimes all we can do is wait for our right moment, sure we can try to change on the inside and learn about ourselves etc. but there is a divine timing :)

Im being honest saying for me idea of moving on as in find new SC or forget about him... it is just unnatural .... Hard to explain :)

As long as Im writing this, let me just add, sometimes if feels like a huge part of TF connection is that one side is kinda put on the loop and on hold while other side is out there running around... it is like a Universe is playing a game putting us on hold or in an inventory for a while just to sort out other matters first...
Does this make sense? lol I dont know, hard to explain but that is how I feel... And it is not a bad way of thinking about it in terms of attracting what we are thinking about... I would rather thinking "Im on hold for a reason maybe I should enjoy this lame music" (like when they put you on hold on the phone lol) than to give up on him...

:)

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Originally Posted by username4this

Move on as accepting you are not gonna get him or move on as going on on a date with another person, or moving on as falling in love with another?

Actually, neither since moving on is a personal journey where you put all the focus inwards. If you run to another person, you are just replacing your twin with someone else and filling that "void".

This will sound contradictory to the above statement, but I did start dating someone else when I consciously decided to let go of my twin, but it was necessary for me as in the past I would have refused to allow myself to experience happiness with another if I wasn't with the person I loved, so in a way, allowing someone else into my life was my way of letting go of my twin.

I do appreciate what are you guys saying about moving on and filling the void but I also feel like there is a higher power that keeps things in order and sometimes it is more about the timing than about that drastic change in other human being.

Sometimes people like to give themselves more credit and describe internal changes as something huge and big and mysterious and all that, but I would say it was more about the timing than about depth of changes... I dont want so sound cynical but that is how I feel sometimes...

I believe there is a higher power and there is some kind of an order out there and sometimes all we can do is wait for our right moment, sure we can try to change on the inside and learn about ourselves etc. but there is a divine timing :)

The thing about timing is that the more I work on myself, the more I allow divine timing to synchronize. I noticed that things with my twin started to take off once I worked on myself.

The work that you do and divine timing are all connected. This is another realization I've made recently that has helped me tremendously in my own twin flame journey.

As long as Im writing this, let me just add, sometimes if feels like a huge part of TF connection is that one side is kinda put on the loop and on hold while other side is out there running around... it is like a Universe is playing a game putting us on hold or in an inventory for a while just to sort out other matters first...
Does this make sense? lol I dont know, hard to explain but that is how I feel... And it is not a bad way of thinking about it in terms of attracting what we are thinking about... I would rather thinking "Im on hold for a reason maybe I should enjoy this lame music" (like when they put you on hold on the phone lol) than to give up on him...

:)

If my twin is out there running around, then my job is not to stop her from running. My job is to stay put so that she'll eventually come find me again as she knows where I'll be.

My thought process before was like this:

"okay, so my twin doesn't want to speak to me. Let me chase her.... okay, she's still not speaking to me. Let's chase her some more... "

This was the never ending loop I put myself in.

The moment I stopped doing that and let go - meaning I stopped actively chasing her but still manifested loving thoughts of her - good things started to happen.

Changing the tune in your head is a good step, even if it is just lame music that you're listening to :)

Still going?

Doesn't anyone understand what "unconditional" means?

Duhhhh!

...

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Doesn't anyone understand what "unconditional" means?

Duhhhh!

Well gee whiz Lorelyen, maybe you had better elucidate the subject matter for us with some of your fancy, erudite lexicon...

^^^ Oh boy....

Yup, it's a VERY difficult word. (edit) people are struggling with it.

aside: what does elucidate mean for Pete's sake?

[ShootingStar]

Before experiencing it, one thinks one can sort of grasp the idea with the intellect whether or not one believes it possible.

After experiencing it, the definition is just words with little meaning; like trying to put the sky in a box.

[lyzth]

Unconditional love I see as being happy, giving good energies for all, no matter what they feel or do. It is being higher in soul. Words are not enough for describe, though.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by username4this

Well I will be honest, I dont feel this way. Im sorry :(
This may be the way person can love their offspring but Im not anybody parent and I dont have to do that :)
I mean, I cant love a person if a person treats me bad or if I really, truly see this person as a toxic to me.
Now you may say -but ignoring is also treating you bad- but I dont see this that way.
Im sorry if this sounds confusing but that's how I feel.
If would my TF (suddenly, magically lol I know that's impossible) but if he would show up and start treating me bad, abusive in any way - that would be it. I just couldnt love a person who whould treat me bad. I could be sorry for that person and for the whole thing, but I couldn't get in here and say :
"I love X even though he is toxic and abusive"
I just couldn't.
For example I had this cousin who was alcoholic and was verbal abusive and loud and mean when drunk and stuff like that, I know he was suffering and he didnt mean those stuff, but I couldn't love him - I felt sorry for him and sorry for the anybody whos around him, but it would be a lie if I would say "I loved him".
That is just an example. Things I felt towards that person was feeling sorry as a fellow human being, but that wasn't love.

(Now, I can imagine that "loving but cutting away toxic person" is something parents can feel towards their kids ---that is unconditional love---. I guess people who have kids, parents, or cousins who are abusive drug addicts, murderers, psychopaths and whatnot... - they can say I love that person but I have to cut it away from my life - but that is a different story )

I just dont have this type of experiences personally nor I can say "I love you but Ill have to cut you away from my life" . For me is either I love you and want you in my life (as a friend, cousin, coworker whatever our relationship is) or "I just dont love you and I wish you the best but I dont love you".

I wouldn't call love for me, in my own life, (so Im just talking about me :) ) the feeling I have if I dont want this person in my life.
Ok, Ill give more examples, I had this friend and I felt like she wasnt there when I needed her and that's a long story (in a way I feel she was a toxic person ) and once when I realized our friendship is over - it was over. I dont want her in my life, and I dont love her. I wish her the best, I feel sorry for her, I feel disappointed and sad that she turned out to be that way. But that is just not love. I dont love her at all nor in a way I love my TF :)

So Ill admit at this point, maybe Im screwed up, or whatever, but I just dont live by the concept "I love you but I dont want you in my life". Hard for me to imagine real life situations IN my life to live by this rule
I can imagine it is for other people in some really bad scenarios but not for me.



Well I would say the difference is that it is really hard for TF to not yearn and it seams like this is the main thing TF
sites experts are telling us to do. Not yearn, not expect anything (no call, no word, no emotions blahblah ...you know all that).
What Im trying to say is that TF experience is really intense and people who haven't felt that in their own skin tend to talk about it
as it is something that is easy to do.
As I told you I cannot imagine in my right mind to cut all contact from somebody and still claim I love them, unless it is some kind of disastrous scenario (person being so sick not liable for their actions or something like that )
Otherwise not wanting anything to do with somebody and still love them it is a strange concept to me. :)
And now imagine how hurtful and weird it sounds when TF expert says "you dont love him unconditionally so you cant have him"

Also, as I said in a previous post, in a way, it easier to love mankind in general than a specific human being.
This type of love "I love you so that I dont want to know anything about you, never too see or hear about you" - in a way is kinda easy to achieve.

I personally dont want to love everybody - and Im not ashamed to admit it lol
I dont feel that we are here on this planet to literally love everybody. And when I say LOVE I mean LOVE, with a capital L.
That type of loving everybody all the time is just too high up there and it is god-like quality I just dont have nor want to have to be honest.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"-----that on the other hand, is my motto and something Im passionate about and I want to live by this rule (and I feel like I do live by this rule)
I want to be more emphatic, compassionate towards mankind yeah - but do I love each and every person? NO. Do I want to reach up high that level to love everybody? NO
Do I want to do justice to others with whom Im in personal contact, yeah I do :)

But to say that I love others the same way I love my TF that would be ridiculous.
I love him in a way I never loved anybody else, his existence in this world makes me happy despite all that happened between us.
I love friends in a friendly way, I love parents in a way you love parents, I appreciate strangers on the street as a fellow humans but I dont love them :)

If they say, and they do, lol , that you have to love everybody on Earth unconditionally in order to get you TF - well I find it ridiculous.
They (Im talking about TF sites and TF experts) are setting some ridiculous standard for us poor TF souls, and they are doing it since this is the only way to circumvent everything else that they dont know.

Im not Buddha nor Christ and my "job" or mission ( I hate that word) is not to love unconditionally everybody :) my human purpose is to be compassionate and good towards people I get to meet on my life path.
And that is not an easy way lol :)

At this point, I realize I sound stupid and kinda beneath spiritual forums criteria, but Im just trying to be honest and learn more about myself by writing this and about others and I am interested to read others people opinions :)

The thing that bothers me and that is why Im writing in here is a notion we are getting from TF sites about unconditional love, feeling whole and all that - notion that we have to do a lot and have to suffer a lot to get them back. And also this part about TF "mission" Oh god dont make me start about it... - it is too much.

See original post starting this thread

written by person fed up with those kind of advice "stop, move on, find better TF or soul connections" and other types of silly advice we get from those TF sites.

In what way TF connections feels different? In any way. It would be a lie for me to say I loved anybody ever the way I love him. It is just so hard to explain it, to put it in words :(
For me it sounds almost offensive and derogatory to say "I love everybody on this planet the way I love him", or "I love my friends the way I love him" or "I love this person and that person same way I love him" --- it is just not the same. It doesn't not follow same set of rules :)
It feels so different and special and unique and above that it is not just about love it is about the void
inside.

He is the only one that can fill this void inside of me, only one that makes me feel whole, at home, his presents deletes my yearning, my void, this hole, emptiness I have inside my soul ...------------ I know you gonna say "you have to fill it on your own" - we been there already lol but it is just not how things works...

I never felt this way with any other human being, never felt "at home" with anybody or at my literal home lol, felt "at home" just when I was near him.... :)

Thanks for sharing your opinions and it is OK to not agree. I find it interesting as well to just share opinions and sometimes I even come to understands by writing stuff out.

I have been in an abusive and toxic relationship with my ex; and I am glad to say that although I am not "in love" with him anymore (he killed those feelings long before our relationship actually ended), I do love him. I have forgiven him and love him and that feels much, much better than when we first broke up and I hated him and wanted him to die. And although I am not in love with him and have no desire to have a relationship with him again; I truly do love him, want the best for him and am happy he has turned his life around. So I can honestly say I love him but don't want him in my life (anymore than he has to be because he is the father of my children).

I have friends also who have caused me much disappointment; I don't feel sorry for them because they are perfectly capable of turning their lives around. But I have nothing but love for them and I understand why they disappoint me because I understand the problems they have currently in their lives which causes it. So I choose to love them anyway and forgive them when they don't show up or call back. I just keep sending them love because I know that their actions are not really them.

I think yearning for someone and having expectations are 2 different things. I mean yearning is a feeling and you cannot shut off feelings. You can detach from them, but that is not healthy and leads to more emotional problems.
I still yearn to see and spend time with my tf; I can't turn that off. I am, however, working on not having any expectations for the future. Not expecting our friendship to turn into anything else, accepting it for what it is and being grateful and happy for it. Losing expectations was a big step for me and when I started to do that, it changed everything (the way he relates to me). I realized that my expectations were due to what I thought romantic relationships were, which was a faulty idea to begin with.
But I am never going to say that I can stop the yearning and anyone who tells you to do this or that you can do it; I would stop listening to them. I can't stop yearning to be with him anymore than I can stop yearning to see my friends that don't show up.

I won't say I love everyone the same that I love him (because there is not that romantic element with everyone) but I would love to go out and feel that much love for every single person I see. I think that would be amazing and if you felt that much love for everyone you would never be worried about losing love, because you feel it for everyone. That's how I feel and it's ok if others don't feel it, but that is what I am working on achieving. I don't have a void though and don't need him to fill anything, I just love him so much I want to be around him all the time.