Feeding your Demons

[Gem]

For now it's a matter of interest so the powerful mind continues to create an entire scenario of experience. After a time it becomes a bore, you lose interest, and it stops.

[Renzo]

I think there is a fine line to tread.

One the one hand you have shameless over indulgence in pleasure, on the other you have feelings of guilt and shame for the indulgence that you want to stop. Neither are particularly good roads to go down.

I first got into Buddhism years ago, but I abandoned my practise for a long time precisely for the same reasons you mentioned. I wanted to be some holy monk like figure who never indulged in sexual acts, but I would end up doing it anyway and then feeling shameful and guilty for not being a good Buddhist. In the end I decided to quit for a few years (at the time I would have said I'd quit permanently, famous last words and all that) because I couldn't cope with the knots I was tying myself in.

The fact of having been born into a human body means that we experience certain urges. You wouldn't be here if we didn't. You're not a bad person if you masturbate you're a human being. It happens. Feeling bad about it is just more suffering.

I tend to view renunciation as being a by product of practice rather than a goal. I notice that I get less urges when I focus on loving kindness meditation, because it makes me feel content more often. There is less of a hole to be filled (sorry bad terminology there lol) by things like masturbation or junk food. If it happens it happens. So long as I keep practicing I know that existential void that we try to fill with pleasure will get smaller and smaller.