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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 17-12-2018, 07:50 AM
LadyMay LadyMay is offline
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Is feeling regret a normal part of the grieving process after breaking up?

We broke up a month ago after almost two years in a relationship. He was afraid of commitment but I keep asking myself if I could've done more. I was the one who cut it off since he wasn't ready to commit but couldn't let go of me either. The love was still there but it was hurting me too much to continue without going anywhere.

I know there are stages to grieving. Seems I got through the shock/denial which lasted quite long. Came to some acceptance but now it feels like a heavy cloud has settled over me. I'm trying really hard not to romanticise things. We broke up for a reason right? If it could've been fixed I'm sure it would've done. I'm afraid if I reach out I will just get my heart broken again.

The logical part of me thinks it's not a good idea. The other part has no clue. So I was just wondering if feeling regret is part of the grieving process? Maybe if I know it is then I can move on easier through this part.

Also complicating things is I'm an empath so I don't really know whose emotions are whose to be honest.

Any advice? Experience? Thanks.
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  #2  
Old 19-12-2018, 05:39 AM
Ziusudra Ziusudra is offline
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Yes, It is a normal part of post breakup.
I usually regretted staying too long on relationships that were doomed, especially with emotionally unavailable men and/or with commitment phobics.

In your case, there is nothing you could've done to change his fear of commitment. It is his issue that he has to deal with.
You also need to look into yourself as well.

When I was attracting commitment phobics, I myself was commitment phobic. So, I had to change myself first in order to attract men who are not afraid to commit. Same goes for attracting emotionally unavailable men.
I had to have therapy sessions to change myself.
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"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore". - Andre Gide
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  #3  
Old 19-12-2018, 08:36 AM
LadyMay LadyMay is offline
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Thank you Ziusudra. You are right, when I met him I wasn't ready for commitment myself. Being with him made me realise I wanted it though, so I guess in the end we wanted different things.

Hopefully now I realised that I will attract someone in future who wants it too. And yes I have a consultation with a therapist booked in a couple of weeks to help
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  #4  
Old 19-12-2018, 09:10 AM
Lorelyen
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Sad, reading things like this but agree with others. Regret is often a post-breakup feeling. You've expended hopes and energy all to nought.

However, to presume fear of commitment is a bit dodgy. Commit to what? A lifetime with someone? A set of expectations to which they can't honestly commit? It could simply be because someone isn't ready to commit in which case it's more honestly than fear. The last thing someone wants is a pretence of commitment under some pang of emotional conscience. It happens all too often and I'd have to confess guilt of that but I learned....

If the relationship was giving you grief being unable to progress deeper then you were probably right to terminate it and there's bound to be regret. You wanted to commit. He didn't. So you had to move on pondering on what might have been.
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  #5  
Old 20-12-2018, 03:24 AM
M.Tesla M.Tesla is offline
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I think regret is normal during a breakup phase and it will go away in it's own time. For a long time I regretted some things with a ex, but I did reach out and I just got burnt again. Not saying it would be the same for you... keep your head up, also the grieving stages are not necessarily in an order like they can happen in different orders sometimes blending more than one at a time.

I'm sorry for your loss and pain. I'm an empathetic too and can literally feel your remorse/dread right now. Send yourself love.
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  #6  
Old 16-01-2019, 11:21 AM
Exa4310 Exa4310 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M.Tesla
I think regret is normal during a breakup phase and it will go away in it's own time...


I totally agree. Regret is part of the moving on process. But you should not remain regretful forever. Eventually, you'll get rid of those feelings and you will learn to embrace your past as a lesson learned, not as a regret.
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  #7  
Old 28-01-2019, 05:35 AM
Schwetzingen Schwetzingen is offline
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Breakups are big life event and when you're dealing with a big chance, it can be natural to reflect back on the relationship or even the breakup itself. If you find you're dealing with some regrets, you're not alone. It's normal, it's the process to realize everything about and your ex. I've been in a 2 years toxic relationship. I got depressed, anxiety, and uncertainty. I don't usually eat my food. I loss my appetite. I lost my interest. I don't go to school. I don't have to hangout with my friends. But after all, I accept the truth, I read law of attraction, inspiring quotes and videos.
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