I want to share a story that i have whilst literally going insane.
It all startet about 7 years ago, i fell into a meditation after i recieved to much info for my ego to handle, and in my mind saw this "fantastic" Supernova energy green red and yellow (like rastafari) amazingly beautiful i thought i had died cause i could not feel my body for a few seconds when i looked at this energy in my mind.
But this energy was like a supernova yet it was alone in the pure darkness and guess what it was a Fantasy living supernova. green red yellow spiralling eternal energy
I woke up from seeing the energy and thought i had been reincarnated i went for a walk and everyone had the same eye color (green and beautiful)i was walking in a flow with total knowledge and in flow with my body and i believe very very tiny that i had contact to my kundalini spirit that night where my "ability" was that i can read through people Like literally look at people and find truth in others mind that night i also saw a formula 1 car on my tv and cried tears of joy because it felt it was shown to me as my childhood dream was not to drive the car.. NO! i wanted to "be" the car and that left me with tears and a good night sleep. It was too fantastic to not be real, however i feel i chose to believe its not my reality.
So next morning i woke up from that enlightened world i felt i had to do something exiting, i literally looked for a car or motorcycle that i could "lend" and i asked people if i could lend their vehicle. Imagine being in such a state of mind after this great experience.
So as a coincidence i noticed a cat at my neightboors house it looked you know like it wanted to get out? like it was spinning around inside so i looked at it and out of nowhere a thought came "smash the window and let the cat out" i went in for a hammer and smashed the window only to find the cat was totally anxious to me when i tried to pick it up it had total black eyes being so scared and i felt sorry that i did it, however i do believe it was through a spiritual development that i had to break free the police came 2 seconds after in my timeframe.
So there police came and said lets drive to the station .. they drove right beside the station and here i was at the mental hospital
The first 3 days everyone still had the same eye color inception was playing on the tv (my favorite film) the first 3 days i was literally in this spiritual psychosis where i balanced a patients yin/yang (I used windows to see the unknown) So i would never really imagine anything in real life. also there was a 4 toned window where i saw a patient had 4 feelings at the same time, way to happy way to sad way to anxious way to angry. In real life she was drinking coffee and playing with patients relatives and i loved this personality that she had, 1 day because i am so pure she came out and let out a giant fart like 10 seconds and she actually felt embarrased and looked at me with a red face.
Then there was a boy my age that had a hash psychosis wich meant that he used looooong time to respond, he couldent speak but if you have patience you can communicate through music and thats what me and him did, i showed him a song he showed me one etc. And music is a good communicator.
That was the first 3 days at the mental hospital i took a medicine called zyprexa and i actually quit smoking for 2 months was about to get out of the medicine and heey i startet smoking again and guess what happened? My paranoia and standing still in time came back. And guess what they can see at the mental hospital?`There was a change.
So what happened is i was just at the "open" and got back into the closed These people tried all medication for a FULL year! that's a scary long time. That year was like a "fear" Paradise/nightmare all the time also alot of love and feeling love energy etc. But imagine a whole year where u try and help other inmates to get out and they just take drugs etc and cheat their way out. Imagine that.
So in that year i went so far out that i startet to give my social anxiety facade an evolving state. But i remember clearly that when i startet on leponex i had thoughts of my one and only, one night i dreamt about her from paradise in that dream she had the most satisfying smile to see me and it felt like allah was showing me this dream. Next morning i woke up and all this telepathy etc was going on and i said dont take the sun from me nichole
So i gave my one and only a name and believed that the dream i had was her.
Then i went for trips to find her, the more and more i thought i was speaking to got and playfully following and pretending there was something there the more "real" it got
I have never hallucinated real things but what happened in my mind was i pretended there was invisible people? I pretended 1 time i had to kill einstein because the relativity theory was wrong so i imagined 200 einsteins that was sitting randomly in the yard and i had to kill the right one because he had also made the multidimensional theory
it was quite fun to play with your mind like that. I never saw or heard anything i had not control over.
Wich gets me to my next point I am a realist
when you are a realist and a realist dont see storms that dangerous you may say however your body feels the fear. you dont get scared if you see something out of the ordinary do you? :P
So i was so far out right, and then i thought god talked to me for 2 seconds he said as allah 'coffee=hell, Candy=heaven, Sex=one and only, Hash=Sin, Shampoo=paradise. And Yhwh said "quit smoking and you will get your destiny girl"
i was on 600mg leponex and my body is small but i got food everyday and luckely all this is over today almost 5 years later. I still have some ambivalence and i have been scared to tell my story
AS time went on i was developing this big ambivalence to coffee candy sex hash and shampoo
and then my one and only appeared 1 day as another consciousness inside of me listen i know it might be crazy but she has FULL trust in allah where i have full trust in seeing the old world, imagine being split mentally like that.
When she actually came and was inside of me she said 1 day, i said then 2 days? it ended up with 21 days that she promissed to go back to whereever she came from (Cause my soul is not really stupid to believe this can happen)
You have to remember allah is "in" control
wich means that allah is the upper saying in control even though we as people see control and control control coincidence can happen.
But in all realism in myself i dont see how in the world she could ever get into this world without being born. So lets just call her a fantasy girl.
So let me tell you about what i felt with this girl inside of me and this is where the twin flame thing comes in and why i wrote it here
First thing i did was show her Search Rogue vs stormwind (on you tube) cant link I played alot of world of warcraft and i thought i had her story and she kind of thought it was charming
She felt so loving and compassionate she felt so not evil i had never in my life experienced no bad intentions not even a bad thought
Not only that but she had her own feelings we looked out the window at my room and there was a bench i remember how she felt the earth was flat and how she felt it was romantic but listen not only that if i said and dreamt to go out with her from that prison she felt emotion and i felt me complicating that emotion made me feel pure she felt loving and we mirror each other like that.
She made me realize it is not a prison at all this, this is the "lowest" paradise and we have stars that look out for us when we sleep we have a beautiful world
The twin flame thing is that we balance our feelings literally if i say she is sweet there isnt this "am i really sweet?" No she takes it in directly and says what more? and she feels it every single time, Another feeling i have never had in my life was folding cloth and laying it fine in the darkness perfect was such a good thing for her she had joy in folding cloth? Wth
i have never felt that before in my life. Because of all this kundalini god etc my bones and skeleton is very intact and my body is in a very free state all the time lets just say i can freefall, i see water as the purest thing etc so when she in the shower took my chin and you know took my 2 fingers and pressed on my chin so my neck
I am a very "fine" human being in skeleton and in spirit, so when she did that i thought she was out to kill me my neck has been hard ever since but it was at the same time freedom and now i can freely move but damn it was scary
Other things with her is that we are exploring the depts of our inner, idk if there is kids watching this but
In paradise we were balancing our feelings sexually anger being hurt etc so we are very strong today But if my soul remembers correctly It was HELL in paradise to be stuck with that women and couldent escape and she was so hurt and i was so angry and we literally had to do anal sex to flee from our feelings? nah **** that again.
But TODAY i feel pure when she feels love. lets just put it like that So lets say i want to feel love and she wants to feel purity
So could this be my twin flame? even though she is in another place etc like outside of the universe(allahs paradise)
Btw today i dont have the same ambivalence and everything is good i am on low medicine and very happy
Also after this experience i feel pure crying when i thought once that i would be an angel after i die here learn all those things, then come to allahs paradise and probably meet with Nichole<- My one and only, And after that the kingdom of peace of jesus here on earth. Ty for reading
Also i am not trying to say that I am pure, i am pure in spirit for instance i can feels weather etc i dont know i am not pure like jesus i am pure in the sense that i feel very good and feel purity in crying but i can have facades i have a choice? SO it is not that i am pure as a child but pure in the sense how i feel freshness etc pure in the sense that i feel energy i feel my bones can heal, i feel water on my skin softly i feel anxiety and love deep but never show it I can put a mask on of seriousness when i cry/laugh to hard i can control my own balance i feel sensitive yet very honorable can you put it like that?
Nichole the girl i spoke to in my "psychosis" feels like the color red to me, not the color pink, imagine loving a person and you know it in the heart? you feel hes warmness in the center of the heart and feels hes emotions balancing her's total bliss and happiness loving dark red. in all earnesty its like a real woman to me, she has waited search Christina Perri - A Thousand Years A THOUSAND YEARS!? !?
the things i feel all my life was just sexually kundalini i have never been in love imagine that. i would smell succuby when i was with girls. And i am soon 28
i have loved feeling my heartbeat since a young age and have always had peace of mind i dont search for it. I love life i cry to the sun and moon that they are even there.
Imagine that =)
I imagine her like this youtube.com /watch?v=j1F5dLm8bxk like the picture when pure
Honorable vulnerable and heart warm love hate sadness joy happiness seriousness facades :))
Ty again for reading this meant alot to me to get out and i will show it to my doc
Its like the pig always want to ride the horse metaphoricly (Imagine kids) the pig dont like hard work and the horse wants to work hard Thats how i feel but childish
where in all essence she will always be the pig and i will always be the horse? Does that make sense? She will always like it clean, she will always try to keep the rose alive in the glass of water where i will just let it die
i was trying to show her that if she keeps her promisses she will feel pure as believing in yourself does make it enjoyable. but i guess its hard work to even believe in yourself and that doesent make sense to me
where as she tried to make me love the calmness and go with the flow whatever feelings may come feel relaxed no nerves etc no drained emotions, and its hard work because i actually enjoy feeling my nerves and crying etc. i enjoy that i am drained aslong as i dont feel cold sweat
So many traits, She loves adventures, i love skill.
She loves listening i love telling
she loves me and i like her :)
She sees light/dark, i see realistic
i feel naked with cloth on, she feels through cloth
i "know that i know", she "knows".
I'm like a Amerindian and shes like a princess
i feel energy and music and chi, she feels warmth from surroundings
I feel when i touch people, She touches people
I feel ressonating energy with people she feels in the moment talking to people realisticly
I feel solitude love sun moon old world sensitivity, mask on when its too funny(sometimes i kill the mask when its too funny) . she "sees in feeling" flat earth light/dark
She trust her higher self her body etc, I am my own higher self i trust my own consciousness. to me i am the body etc, where she lets it take control
i control my own emotion, she is more free that she can be ultra happy and feel good.
she enjoys driving i enjoy running
i enjoy feeling my heart she enjoys letting it take control
I have patience she has more choices
i have secret thoughts invisible thoughts or goals, she has inner voice
i can imagine still pictures instant and get what i want to know/see she can imagine Lucid
i "see" with unconditional love, she "sees" in the moment romantic etc.
I am alone meditating in the stars with a sword protecting all unreal to come in, she can do whatever in her fantasy in other words i have no fantasy she has all fantasy in other words i dream in stars she dreams herself
I have peace of mind she has always something going on.
best of all i feel very much alive, she feels eternal.
I have selfcentered control, she can pray 3 times a day because she is sure in her belief, i am sure too, but i almost forsake myself if i pray for small things i forsake my own soul i think unless its direct
She has friendly fun relationship with god, i have more fear love give get relationship karma kinda.
i am so sensitive energy wise that i feel emotions from other people and can copy it from musicians etc i can pretend, she cannot what i mean is that i can copy other peoples personality where she has her own because my personality is pure and peace of mind.
Maybe in other words i seek purity she seeks love.
No more traits Ive had enough and is totally drained..
My question could be if we if we were twin flames with this "fantasy" did we choose love and purity all subconsciously in the soul? .. I wonder how many ways there are.
Imagine that i would see her being pure in real life that she is an actual person, the GLORY i would feel for HER. I dont know what she would feel for me if i felt love. Glorious is a total new feeling for me. its like total awe if i felt love she would give herself to me
Imagine knowing she is pure and only loves you. Yet been through all those feelings so if its bad (old) we wont get hurt as deep etc or anger where you could kill somebody wont happen:)) that balance
we would literally melt together without any blockages
and probably promote love and purity glory and holeness music and vibrations
You have to understand i am kundalini i am that dragon :)) I am Those bones i am that being i am that sex i am that freshness but i am only that i am so im really not anything God holy spirit jesus ftw! Ending this with: Holy spirit comfort is ftw :))
youtube.com /watch?v=LxFk9-UhY_Y the light is really just the sun.
if i end up being an angel going to heaven then coming to allah's paradise and then coming to the peace kingdom where we would literally be our own higher selves well that was what i was crying for in purity. do you know how content my soul would be? I was literally crying for my own contentment on the mental hospital And took medicine to stop it. Even though it was nice and i felt clear energy, but i got rationality taking the meds so there is NOTHING to be scared of by taking anti-psychotic anti depressive or anything. Just dont blame the system like many do. They are really really good at their job.
Just a schizophrenic story
if you do believe in telepathy, conspiracy theories or Synchronicity if you believe as little as dimensions you might want to go to the mental hospital cause they can really help you, It might aswell evolve you mentally and spiritually.