Originally Posted by Rue11
Thanks all. I am dependent on him financially and we have a child so it isn't a simple thing to leave.
It's not so much what he says. I can talk myself out of being upset over words. It's his actions that make my life more difficult.
I try not to put blame on others for the way I'm feeling. I don't want to feel helpless. So if I decide to stay and put up with things I don't like (at least for a while, maybe a few more years) then how do I change my negative thought patterns surrounding the situation?
The big problem is that it is very likely that with time, you will end up feeling even more powerless to change your situation than you do now as people like your partner erode their partners confidence in themselves etc and from what you say here about needing him (being dependent on him), it appears you already do not have great confidence in yourself and your own abilities.
Cos bear in mind, it is NOT healthy for your child to be in this situation either, even if he doesn't treat him/her badly, the child does get so see and feel how its mother is treated like ****. That gives a child a whole skewed idea of how a woman should be treated and what his mother deserves.
Chances are he/she will begin treating you the same way your partner does.
I once left a partner who I had a child with cause of what things my ex was teaching to our child, children do observe everything. I did not want my child learning that it is okay for a guy to be nasty to his partner. I had to leave out of respect to my child and wanting her to have good relationship role models and not the example she was around.
I guess my mothers relationship with my dad helped me to do that as it was horrific and I wouldn't have my child feeling as I did. My father wasn't physical abusive at all towards my mother but just wasn't nice at all at times to her and the reason she stayed was "cause I had you kids at the time". She stayed only cause she had children with him.
To this day at almost 50.. Im still upset at my mother that she did that as it was HELL FOR ME in that energy and what I could "feel" between them. She should of left, she should of found the strength to leave FOR US children. Children deserve to be growing up in a peaceful environment. I got so unhappy and it got so unbearable that I started running away from home at only 12-13 years old as I could not stand the disharmony and the energy it caused between my parents,
it caused me not to be wanting to live in the same home as my parents. Staying with him certainly damaged my mother too, she's no longer with him (she left him after I moved out of home) but she carries a bitterness with her now over all the years she spent with him which she just can not seem to get over at all, I do not think she's ever going to get over it as she's that badly impacted by those years of staying with him (she's got constant anxiety, depression and feels vulnerable. Due to her self worth being destroyed by that bad relationship for so long.. when she finally left she jumped immediately into another bad relationship so she's with a guy now who scares me some). I cringe when I hear someone say that they are staying for their children, that just can be so harmful to all involved.
sorry for the negative post but I just wanted to make sure you knew what that can feel like from the childs view of having parents who are not getting along.