I guess I know the answer to this one...

[selene]

Originally Posted by Romy123

Wow! I guess TF really have a way of bringing up the Mommy issues. My mother was very abusive to me as a child (not so much as an adult because she's changed and I've kept her at a distance). Does your TF have strange similarities to your Mom? My TF and my mother have lived in the same four areas around country (down to the same county in towns less than an hour away from each other) at different times in their lives. Also, they both had the same non-domesticated animal as a pet. And TF and I lived in the same foreign country (in towns about an hour from each other) at the same time in our lives (in our 20's, he's older than me). So I know that there is a huge connection among the three of us. Does your TF & mother have similarities?

oh wow... these are some strange interesting coincidences. I am sorry for the abuse you went through as a child.
To answer your question, my twin and my mother could not be more opposite in personalities, lifestyles or paths. It's one of those things that stroke me as weird, because in the past, I had been attracted to guys that had weird similarities or coincidences with her. As a matter of fact, I went to therapy to remove one of those guys from my life 7 years ago and that is when I identified her (and his) patterns of abuse.

[ArchIndigo]

Yeah very coincidental on the mommy issue thing. My dad was physically abusive to me and my brothers(Easier to forgive imo); but my mom was more of a psychological/emotional abuser. When I met my twin; it rehashed everything with her... But it pushed me to stand up to her. Even with her smoking indoors(why should I have to smoke for most of my life because of you?) Which is minor in comparison to everything else.

[Awakened Queen]

If you take away the spiritual connection, what would your relationship look like to an outsider? I think your mom wants the best for you, and she wants you to be happy. I know it hurts what she said, but I don't feel it was malicious or had ill intent behind it. You're sensitive to it, because it brings up fears in you related to this connection. You know he's not a monster, but you do know that he neglects you on some level. Now the reasons why he neglects you could be related to the spiritual lessons, the karma between you two, or because you need to focus on yourself at this point and nobody else. But those are spiritual reasons. She is looking at this relationship on the surface, the romantic aspect only. From a solely romantic level, is what she's saying that far from the truth?

If you separate the romantic from the spiritual, what do you see?

[MissTetley]

Hi
Just tell her that you would agree with her but then you'd both be wrong. :)

Also remember you don't have to defend him to anyone or justify what he is to you. If your mom has a problem with anything at all just try to observe her and think about why something would rattle her cage so much, why it would get under her skin to the extent it has.

Does she really want everything to be perfect according to her terms and not allow you any say in what works or wouldn't for you ?

The fact that she can't understand what your twin is doesn't take anything away from the connection.
She's shouting into the wind and you're taking her words as fact.

I can understand how a parent's opinion matters so much but our parents are only really part of our landing crew, a means for us to arrive here. They don't have access to our plan or destiny, well not often anyway.

This is obviously going to purge something within you that will be painful to release but it will probably leave you feeling more self reliant and sure of your own opinions and decisions.

I wish you well.

[selene]

Originally Posted by Awakened Queen

If you take away the spiritual connection, what would your relationship look like to an outsider? I think your mom wants the best for you, and she wants you to be happy. I know it hurts what she said, but I don't feel it was malicious or had ill intent behind it. You're sensitive to it, because it brings up fears in you related to this connection. You know he's not a monster, but you do know that he neglects you on some level. Now the reasons why he neglects you could be related to the spiritual lessons, the karma between you two, or because you need to focus on yourself at this point and nobody else. But those are spiritual reasons. She is looking at this relationship on the surface, the romantic aspect only. From a solely romantic level, is what she's saying that far from the truth?

If you separate the romantic from the spiritual, what do you see?

Thank you AQ for the insight and I appreciate this gentle turn towards the unspoken love in there. I do know my mother wants best for me, but I also think that her idea of 'the best' is formed without my personality and character in mind. If I were my mother, I'd see that my daughter was single and happy for a long time before twin came along and she's single and happier for the last year he's been in her life. Perhaps it's a problem on its own, but I never felt like I needed someone to complete me and as such, I have been very careful about who comes in my space -romantically or otherwise.

It's funny that you ask what I see if I separate the romantic from the spiritual, because it's only the spiritual I see right now with him. Holding on for my twin is not the reason why I am single. I am holding on for a spiritual bond, but not necessarily with him -the difference between before he showed up in my life is that now, this 'spiritual bond' is not some vague ideal. But to his defense and with as little reference to the specifics: we are both single and chose not to continue our romantic relationship when it became obvious that a long-distance relationship would put unnecessary strain and build resentment towards the other and what we shared was too special to handle this way. He officially pulled the trigger, but based on what I had communicated in no uncertain terms were my views on long-distance relationships. There is an unspoken commitment there and an expiration date to the circumstances but none of us is obliged to honor it -and it was a decision that was taken with love, respect, communication. So, I can't separate the romantic from the spiritual because technically, the romantic does not exist. Do we like it? no, none of us does. On the other hand, I don't think I will like my situation any more if I engage in a romantic relationship where I cannot find the spiritual aspect.

[selene]

Originally Posted by MissTetley

Hi
Just tell her that you would agree with her but then you'd both be wrong. :)

Also remember you don't have to defend him to anyone or justify what he is to you. If your mom has a problem with anything at all just try to observe her and think about why something would rattle her cage so much, why it would get under her skin to the extent it has.

Does she really want everything to be perfect according to her terms and not allow you any say in what works or wouldn't for you ?

The fact that she can't understand what your twin is doesn't take anything away from the connection.
She's shouting into the wind and you're taking her words as fact.

I can understand how a parent's opinion matters so much but our parents are only really part of our landing crew, a means for us to arrive here. They don't have access to our plan or destiny, well not often anyway.

This is obviously going to purge something within you that will be painful to release but it will probably leave you feeling more self reliant and sure of your own opinions and decisions.

I wish you well.

Thank you Miss Tetley. I am so so grateful for the support.

I think yes, I am moving to this place when I will always respect my parents but I am drawing my boundaries. I have communicated to them my gratitude and also my intention to hold my ground and you are so right. I have felt in the past year that I have known twin that my closest people want explanations but I realize that they want explanations that are fitting to their values or their idea of fulfillment and success -and as you said, this is about what works for me not everybody else.

Purging then :). I look forward now to what is coming next really.

[Awakened Queen]

Originally Posted by alyanna

Thank you AQ for the insight and I appreciate this gentle turn towards the unspoken love in there. I do know my mother wants best for me, but I also think that her idea of 'the best' is formed without my personality and character in mind. If I were my mother, I'd see that my daughter was single and happy for a long time before twin came along and she's single and happier for the last year he's been in her life. Perhaps it's a problem on its own, but I never felt like I needed someone to complete me and as such, I have been very careful about who comes in my space -romantically or otherwise.

It's funny that you ask what I see if I separate the romantic from the spiritual, because it's only the spiritual I see right now with him. Holding on for my twin is not the reason why I am single. I am holding on for a spiritual bond, but not necessarily with him -the difference between before he showed up in my life is that now, this 'spiritual bond' is not some vague ideal. But to his defense and with as little reference to the specifics: we are both single and chose not to continue our romantic relationship when it became obvious that a long-distance relationship would put unnecessary strain and build resentment towards the other and what we shared was too special to handle this way. He officially pulled the trigger, but based on what I had communicated in no uncertain terms were my views on long-distance relationships. There is an unspoken commitment there and an expiration date to the circumstances but none of us is obliged to honor it -and it was a decision that was taken with love, respect, communication. So, I can't separate the romantic from the spiritual because technically, the romantic does not exist. Do we like it? no, none of us does. On the other hand, I don't think I will like my situation any more if I engage in a romantic relationship where I cannot find the spiritual aspect.

I understand. Once you're ready, that spiritual partner will come into your life. Do you have any rose quartz? I've been using rose quartz and a selenite stick to open my heart. It was recommended to me by somebody who works with crystals. She told me that selenite sticks clear the energy and amplify whichever stone you place on top of it, so it radiates out into your home. All you have to do is set the intention with the stone, and the selenite does the rest. By opening your heart, you might also have more patience with your mother. I feel as if she means well, but doesn't understand spirituality, so it's hard for you to connect. I think she just wants you to be happy and doesn't understand why somebody so fantastic is single

[selene]

Originally Posted by Awakened Queen

I understand. Once you're ready, that spiritual partner will come into your life. Do you have any rose quartz? I've been using rose quartz and a selenite stick to open my heart. It was recommended to me by somebody who works with crystals. She told me that selenite sticks clear the energy and amplify whichever stone you place on top of it, so it radiates out into your home. All you have to do is set the intention with the stone, and the selenite does the rest. By opening your heart, you might also have more patience with your mother. I feel as if she means well, but doesn't understand spirituality, so it's hard for you to connect. I think she just wants you to be happy and doesn't understand why somebody so fantastic is single

thank you <3! and thank you for the crystal suggestions! I have heard of rose quartz and have been meaning to get it but I did not know about selenite. Just looked it up and it looks very nice. Will definitely get it soon.

[Rsandee]

You're right, the answer is clear.
Good luck.

[hineahuone]

The people in our lives who live in the 3D with limiting beliefs cannot understand what is going on with us and our TF relationships. I have been single for many years and when I met my twin I started to change and people started noticing and asking me if I have met a guy. Well I have but it is not progressing the traditional way from dating to romance to wedding. It has been nearly a year since I met him and I have not introduced him to anyone. I am still single in their view, but they can tell I am in love and that my mind is preoccupied. I avoid answering questions about him and dont talk to anyone but my spiritual guides about him. Your mother is in her ego and only wants you to behave like the rest of her friends kids do, not be a failure as a parent. Reassure her that you are happy and have made your own choices. Mom needs a hobby.