How to respond to mean people?

[EdmundJohnstone]

How should someone respond to mean people? There are multiple options such as being mean back to them as well, not being mean to them and keeping the bad feelings and emotions inside, which in time will start to hurt, or being indifferent and try not to keep the emotions inside (sort of hard for myself)

[Kaere]

I've never mastered this... I end up feeling resentful and stewing in it.

I'd say it's never good practice to hold onto negativity, and to let it go as much as possible. Perhaps this comes down to being more confident and comfortable in our own skins... makes it easier to roll our eyes at them when we are more confident in our own worth.

Mean people are saying more about themselves than us, know what I mean? Some people can only find value in themselves if they've brought someone else down, they view others as prey for their amusement. Like being hurtful and vicious is something to value *rolls eyes*

[EdmundJohnstone]

Hi and cheers for your reply.
I realised that if I don't counter their mean attitude, and hold the negative emotions inside me, it just makes me feel worse over time as the negativity and frustration builds up. The mean person gets away with it, not caring (some might feel good that they harmed) and I tend to frustrate and harm myself mentally because of holding in the frustration and negativity as I feel bullied mentally(emotionally)

At my working place, there is a guy who is in a higher job position than me, he is assigned as my mentor but he always tells me "Oh that's incorrect" or "You're wrong" , every time and he says this while he is laughing at me and others are around me. He seems critic towards me every time, there is no encouragement out there, despite him being my mentor. Don't get me wrong. I love doing mistakes, I love learning, but his attitude is a bit obnoxious(from my perspective), in the way that I perceive it as bullying and I dislike it

His duty is to teach and mentor me, instead he gives me tasks and then he just criticizes me.I feel frustrated because of that. Maybe I am too sensitive but I can feel him being mean and trying to show superiority

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by EdmundJohnstone

Hi and cheers for your reply.
I realised that if I don't counter their mean attitude, and hold the negative emotions inside me, it just makes me feel worse over time as the negativity and frustration builds up. The mean person gets away with it, not caring (some might feel good that they harmed) and I tend to frustrate and harm myself mentally because of holding in the frustration and negativity as I feel bullied mentally(emotionally)

At my working place, there is a guy who is in a higher job position than me, he is assigned as my mentor but he always tells me "Oh that's incorrect" or "You're wrong" , every time and he says this while he is laughing at me and others are around me. He seems critic towards me every time, there is no encouragement out there, despite him being my mentor. Don't get me wrong. I love doing mistakes, I love learning, but his attitude is a bit obnoxious(from my perspective), in the way that I perceive it as bullying and I dislike it

His duty is to teach and mentor me, instead he gives me tasks and then he just criticizes me.I feel frustrated because of that. Maybe I am too sensitive but I can feel him being mean and trying to show superiority

Kaere is correct in that mentors are supposed to be impartial.

If I had one who was always telling me that I was "doing things incorrectly" or I am "wrong"...I will simply say " I most humbly and regretfully apologize, but this is the way I was taught to do it...so whoever taught me must have done so incorrectly, can you please demonstrate the correct way to do it, according to you, so that I may learn from you?"

You keep on asking this until you FULLY understand... basically, getting him to do your job FOR you.

It also depends on how long you have been with the company...those who have been there longer than you have more 'rights' and especially if they like licking their bosses shoes and pandering to the collective egos of their superiors.

This is basically why I am "unemployable" and if I want to earn money, I need to go into business for myself - which a lot of people are doing now...so that the ONLY one I have to answer to is ME.

Being employed would have to be the most stressful life experience I could ever imagine...I would never be able to be in your situation without handing in my resignation...so good on you for deciding to stick with it.

[hallow]

Originally Posted by EdmundJohnstone

Hi and cheers for your reply.
I realised that if I don't counter their mean attitude, and hold the negative emotions inside me, it just makes me feel worse over time as the negativity and frustration builds up. The mean person gets away with it, not caring (some might feel good that they harmed) and I tend to frustrate and harm myself mentally because of holding in the frustration and negativity as I feel bullied mentally(emotionally)

At my working place, there is a guy who is in a higher job position than me, he is assigned as my mentor but he always tells me "Oh that's incorrect" or "You're wrong" , every time and he says this while he is laughing at me and others are around me. He seems critic towards me every time, there is no encouragement out there, despite him being my mentor. Don't get me wrong. I love doing mistakes, I love learning, but his attitude is a bit obnoxious(from my perspective), in the way that I perceive it as bullying and I dislike it

His duty is to teach and mentor me, instead he gives me tasks and then he just criticizes me.I feel frustrated because of that. Maybe I am too sensitive but I can feel him being mean and trying to show superiority

There's always more than 1 way to do a job, and you'll always run into people like that. In employment there might not be much you can do. But if you're confident in what your doing is right you'll just have to prove it to them. Or better yet prove it to the people who really matter. I used to work with someone who was really strict on how things were done. She wanted it her way or no way. There was a point where I had to stand my ground I did and from then on there is a greater respect for one another. You just have to be firm and sensitive at the same time. That can be tricky.

[SaraTherase]

Originally Posted by EdmundJohnstone

Hi and cheers for your reply.
I realised that if I don't counter their mean attitude, and hold the negative emotions inside me, it just makes me feel worse over time as the negativity and frustration builds up. The mean person gets away with it, not caring (some might feel good that they harmed) and I tend to frustrate and harm myself mentally because of holding in the frustration and negativity as I feel bullied mentally(emotionally)

At my working place, there is a guy who is in a higher job position than me, he is assigned as my mentor but he always tells me "Oh that's incorrect" or "You're wrong" , every time and he says this while he is laughing at me and others are around me. He seems critic towards me every time, there is no encouragement out there, despite him being my mentor. Don't get me wrong. I love doing mistakes, I love learning, but his attitude is a bit obnoxious(from my perspective), in the way that I perceive it as bullying and I dislike it

His duty is to teach and mentor me, instead he gives me tasks and then he just criticizes me.I feel frustrated because of that. Maybe I am too sensitive but I can feel him being mean and trying to show superiority

In this situation your mentor seems to enjoy this position of authority that he has and it's triggering his already blossoming ego. Your strength of character and patience is being tested and I get the sense that you have a habit of ending up playing the push over due to your resistance to speak up or approach possible conflict. I also think that your ego is feeling a little bruised due to his insistence on constantly correcting you and chastising you with his sarcasm. His behaviour is passive aggressive and you are being tested and challenged in this situation.

You could either approach him man to man next time he belittles or outright offends you as long as he is crossing a boundary professionally and not just poking a bear so to speak as in doing so you may very well gain his respect or you could see him as simply a co-worker in a higher position than you whom allows the little bit of power that he has been given to go to his head and see him as an example of who not to be and how not to behave in positions of power when granted them. Remind yourself that it's not personal as he would do this to anyone and that your ultimately going to learn to become a much more humbled, patient, tolerant and resilient man under his mentorship.

It may help you to use physical exercise as a tool to help you release some of this repressed anger and resentment. Negativity can be released by simple writing down everything and every one that annoys, aggravates and ****es you off then simple screw it up and burn it, throwing the ashes outside choosing to let go of all that sh*t. Don't let other people make you feel less than you already do about yourself, something or someone will knock him down one day and he will in due course learn for himself

[inavalan]

I think that some of your assumptions and expectations, as inferred from your posting, are "incorrect / wrong" ... :)

Your "His duty is to teach and mentor me" sounds bad to me.

It is possible that your mentor is too harsh, insensitive, ... but you should be less indulgent with your self.

"Don't get me wrong. I love doing mistakes" sounds bad too.

I don't think your situation is about "mean people", although it is possible.

Anyway, if your situation makes you miserable you have two choices:
1. Toughen up. Steepen your learning curve. Make less mistakes.
2. Move on. Try somewhere else.

It is unrealistic to expect your mentor to change while you continue as you are and do now.

Good luck!

When you really have to deal with mean people, probably the best thing is to look for a way to remove them from your reality. There is always a way to move on / away. Compromising to get, or not to lose, some advantage is usually a bad idea.

[God-Like]

Originally Posted by EdmundJohnstone

How should someone respond to mean people? There are multiple options such as being mean back to them as well, not being mean to them and keeping the bad feelings and emotions inside, which in time will start to hurt, or being indifferent and try not to keep the emotions inside (sort of hard for myself)

Every occasion perhaps warrants a different response .. sometimes paying someone kindness while being disrespected gives them food for thought, however the same food for thought can create contemplation for them also when you you respond in a similar / sharp manner ..

Where you can't go wrong for use of a better word is if you don't stray from the truth of the matter ..

There is nothing wrong with truth however it's said unless one comes down to the others level of disrespect ..


x daz x

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by God-Like

...

Where you can't go wrong for use of a better word is if you don't stray from the truth of the matter ..

There is nothing wrong with truth however it's said unless one comes down to the others level of disrespect ..


x daz x

:) Your truth ... isn't the absolute "truth".

Reasonable people assign different truths to the same variable. One's "true" is another's "false". You can't assume that your truth is the "truth". especially when facing another's different truth. In my opinion ...

[God-Like]

Originally Posted by inavalan

:) Your truth ... isn't the absolute "truth".

Reasonable people assign different truths to the same variable. One's "true" is another's "false". You can't assume that your truth is the "truth". especially when facing another's different truth. In my opinion ...

Never said anything about absolute truth .. but I know myself more than another / random stranger knows me for instance ..

So if another wants to be disrespectful in ignorance then they are not coming from a position of truth are they .

Leave the absolute at the door .


x daz x