Can you forgive someone who left you

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I didn't say prolonged.

What I am saying is, I think a person should be allowed to experience whatever emotions they need for as long as they need in order to process their pain. It's always easy to talk about forgiveness when it's not your own pain.

I agree with you, and I don't think a person should say 'I forgive you' if they don't really mean it; if their words say one thing but their emotions scream resentment, anger, and hurt. True forgiveness can only come when we've let go of all negativity, or else we're simply faking it, maybe because we think we should forgive, or because we're still attached to the person and we're afraid of losing them.

And I absolutely agree with what you say about a person being allowed to experience whatever emotions they need, it's vitally important for our well-being that we fully feel the pain that the actions of another caused us. The problem, as I see it, is that we will very often do everything in our power to not experience the underlying heartache and upset, so we get stuck in resentment, anger, even hate. And what such negativity represents, when you get right down to it, is non-acceptance of the emotional pain that was triggered in you.

[dundana66]

I always think that forgiveness is essential if we want to move on. Not always easy though

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by A human Being

I agree with you, and I don't think a person should say 'I forgive you' if they don't really mean it; if their words say one thing but their emotions scream resentment, anger, and hurt. True forgiveness can only come when we've let go of all negativity, or else we're simply faking it, maybe because we think we should forgive, or because we're still attached to the person and we're afraid of losing them.

And I absolutely agree with what you say about a person being allowed to experience whatever emotions they need, it's vitally important for our well-being that we fully feel the pain that the actions of another caused us. The problem, as I see it, is that we will very often do everything in our power to not experience the underlying heartache and upset, so we get stuck in resentment, anger, even hate. And what such negativity represents, when you get right down to it, is non-acceptance of the emotional pain that was triggered in you.

Thank You! It's nice to see someone who is empathetic and clear thinking.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

Thank You! It's nice to see someone who is empathetic and clear thinking.

Aw thanks, that's nice of you to say - right back atcha :)

[Rozie]

Of course you can forgive someone and love them but maybe not today and not in the way that it used to be.

Trust is something else entirely and without trust, you really don't have anything

I gather that there was a break-up and abandonment and loss of trust. That means you can't really depend on this person to be reliable in the way that you require.

Honestly, the way to move forward is to do the no-contact thing until you are over it. I would advise that you do that. It is the fastest way to heal.

When you are whole and not angry or hurt anymore then you can be friends again if you want. The feelings of anger and betrayal and trauma do go away and you truly can put that behind you and forge a new relationship or friendship if you want.

I don't think you could ever go backwards to where you were before the abandonment and betrayal. There would have to be healing and growth. People do change, but if you were to let him back into your life when you are still vulnerable and be expected to sweep it under the carpet, it would just fester under the carpet and grow into the carpet monster that would never go away.

[Ascophore]

Forgiveness should not be distributed openly. It should be worked for. In the target's toil their earnestness will be shown on the sweat of their brow.

[Golden Eagle]

Originally Posted by GalTrav

... at your lowest? When you were struggling looking for work and now that you have a stable one is trying to come back to your life?

Caution is advisable here .......

Red Flags ..... those who leave UNHAPPY you have little or nothing will NOT be happy just because you have some $$$ ~

FORGIVE Everything and ALL including Self .......

Would just take all very slow ....... as it can take time to reveal hidden intentions! Allow her back only as Friends if you FEEL there is a True Chance of a BENEFICIAL relationship for both you and her ~

No Judgments ..... No demands ...... No Expectations ~

Release the Relationship to the Divine in which all is KNOWN and UNITED ..... LET IT show you ....and learn to be Still and LISTEN ~

Originally Posted by A human Being

I agree with you, and I don't think a person should say 'I forgive you' if they don't really mean it; if their words say one thing but their emotions scream resentment, anger, and hurt. True forgiveness can only come when we've let go of all negativity, or else we're simply faking it, maybe because we think we should forgive, or because we're still attached to the person and we're afraid of losing them.

And I absolutely agree with what you say about a person being allowed to experience whatever emotions they need, it's vitally important for our well-being that we fully feel the pain that the actions of another caused us. The problem, as I see it, is that we will very often do everything in our power to not experience the underlying heartache and upset, so we get stuck in resentment, anger, even hate. And what such negativity represents, when you get right down to it, is non-acceptance of the emotional pain that was triggered in you.

Pure Genius!!

Only thing i could possibly add to this... "Anger is a secondary emotion"