GANESHA on a currency note

[Crystalsun]

Sounds to me that He is trying to prepare your mind, for something he is willing to give you, something He thinks you are still not ready for.If what you say is true. :)

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by crystalsun

Sounds to me that He is trying to prepare your mind, for something he is willing to give you, something He thinks you are still not ready for.If what you say is true. :)

Precisely and exactly.

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Oh, I have asked Shiva to reveal all...

He says "get up at 4am every morning for three months straight and meditate for two hours without missing a day...Fast (Nirjal) for sixteen Mondays consecutively..do Shani Pooja every Saturday for nine weeks...only then will I tell you, because I need you to show me how bad you really want this..."

That was the last time we spoke, about three months ago and he refuses to communicate any further until such times as I start taking my Sadhana and tapasya seriously...I have reached a state of total impasse with him.

Shiva speaks to you ? You speak to Shiva ?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by depthsee

Shiva speaks to you ? You speak to Shiva ?

Om Swastiyastu.

Let's just say that I have unwanted "intrusive thoughts" in a soft, masculine voice which appears totally out of the blue and usually in response to a complete misconception/misperception and/or as an admonishment for neglecting my Sadhana or my Dharma.

There is an overarching vibration of both omniscience as well as "tough love" and I label the interaction as emanating from my "Higher Self" or my "Egoless Self" which is, indeed, synonymous with Lord Shiva...and He has never refuted this label, apart from saying that it is totally unnecessary...and that is how it stands.

Quite a few times, He will intervene in my actual waking consciousness...I will find myself going into Arul Vaaku spontaneously and I snap out of it to realise a page of text has been written..or I have said stuff without having to think about it first.

I tend to suppress and subjugate this a LOT now...out of fear of what others will think or say...I don't want the label of being a "schizophrenic" and being heavily medicated and/or locked away in a hospice somewhere.

Suffice to say, I now suffer with a tremendous amount of psychosomatic problems because I have totally ignored my calling...trying to live a "normal life" when it is anything and everything BUT "normal".

It seems that I cannot win whichever way it goes.

Aum Namah Shivaya

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Om Swastiyastu.

Let's just say that I have unwanted "intrusive thoughts" in a soft, masculine voice which appears totally out of the blue and usually in response to a complete misconception/misperception and/or as an admonishment for neglecting my Sadhana or my Dharma.

There is an overarching vibration of both omniscience as well as "tough love" and I label the interaction as emanating from my "Higher Self" or my "Egoless Self" which is, indeed, synonymous with Lord Shiva...and He has never refuted this label, apart from saying that it is totally unnecessary...and that is how it stands.

Quite a few times, He will intervene in my actual waking consciousness...I will find myself going into Arul Vaaku spontaneously and I snap out of it to realise a page of text has been written..or I have said stuff without having to think about it first.

I tend to suppress and subjugate this a LOT now...out of fear of what others will think or say...I don't want the label of being a "schizophrenic" and being heavily medicated and/or locked away in a hospice somewhere.

Suffice to say, I now suffer with a tremendous amount of psychosomatic problems because I have totally ignored my calling...trying to live a "normal life" when it is anything and everything BUT "normal".

It seems that I cannot win whichever way it goes.

Aum Namah Shivaya

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. I know a few people with psychological disorders/problems, so I am aware of what suffering it could be.

If I had a sickness and had to consult a psychiatrist, I would; but in all cases, i would definately try to find a shaman and speak with him.

Hope, that you'll be fine. Om!

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by depthsee

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. I know a few people with psychological disorders/problems, so I am aware of what suffering it could be.

If I had a sickness and had to consult a psychiatrist, I would; but in all cases, i would definately try to find a shaman and speak with him.

Hope, that you'll be fine. Om!

This is pretty much my only option left now...A full shamanic "Destiny Retrieval".

I am tired of all these "tactile hallucinations"...tired of having innumerable medical tests only to find out there is nothing wrong with me...tired of the medical labels; "somatization disorder" or "hypochondriasis" and yet, I am extremely sensitive to everything out there...sounds, smells, light, touch...so I isolate myself.

At the moment, I am revisiting the works of Stanislav Grof and the Spiritual Emergence Network... meanwhile, being lulled into gentle acceptance by Craig Holliday, Igor Kufayev and Trevor Isley....even the modern day Hindu Gurus from India don't have much to say on the subject of a premature Kundalini awakening...how sad.

There is one thing I know for sure...I am not schizophrenic because the voice I hear is kind, positive and helpful...even though it totally lacks a "bedside manner" because it knows how much I appreciate honesty.

More like, this is a "walk in" from about 10,000 years ago who has waited all of this time for a willing "vessel" to inhabit.

When it comes to all of the Agamic/Tantric rituals, translation of Sanskrit texts, symbology, ancient languages and practices which nobody else knows about or understands anymore, I appear to be totally in my own element..like I am still there, experiencing it and this world here, as it is now, is the dream...and that "other world" is my reality...it is difficult to exist like this.

I have already been diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder...I am Autistic and I am also a Savant when it comes to Hindu philosophy...I could give David Frawley or Christopher "Hareesh" Wallis a run for their money and I am very familiar with the works of Alain Danielou, Harish Johari, Pundit Gopi Krishna and basically everything that was ever written by the pioneers of the Theosophical Society...not to mention having studied the Vedas, Upanishads, Bhagavad-Gita, Mahabharata, Ramayana and Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, Hatha Yoga Pradipika by Swami Svatmarama, the collected works of all the Tamil Alvars and Nayanars in addition to the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra, the Maha Nirvana Tantra, the Shiva Rahasya Gita...I could go on...and on...and on... basically ad infinitum...and I have a photographic memory, meaning that I remember everything I have ever read on the subject.

Google has got nothing on me...lol

Aum Namah Shivaya

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

This is pretty much my only option left now...A full shamanic "Destiny Retrieval".

I am tired of all these "tactile hallucinations"...tired of having innumerable medical tests only to find out there is nothing wrong with me...tired of the medical labels; "somatization disorder" or "hypochondriasis" and yet, I am extremely sensitive to everything out there...sounds, smells, light, touch...so I isolate myself.

At the moment, I am revisiting the works of Stanislav Grof and the Spiritual Emergence Network... meanwhile, being lulled into gentle acceptance by Craig Holliday, Igor Kufayev and Trevor Isley....even the modern day Hindu Gurus from India don't have much to say on the subject of a premature Kundalini awakening...how sad.

There is one thing I know for sure...I am not schizophrenic because the voice I hear is kind, positive and helpful...even though it totally lacks a "bedside manner" because it knows how much I appreciate honesty.

More like, this is a "walk in" from about 10,000 years ago who has waited all of this time for a willing "vessel" to inhabit.

When it comes to all of the Agamic/Tantric rituals, translation of Sanskrit texts, symbology, ancient languages and practices which nobody else knows about or understands anymore, I appear to be totally in my own element..like I am still there, experiencing it and this world here, as it is now, is the dream...and that "other world" is my reality...it is difficult to exist like this.

I have already been diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder...I am Autistic and I am also a Savant when it comes to Hindu philosophy...I could give David Frawley or Christopher "Hareesh" Wallis a run for their money and I am very familiar with the works of Alain Danielou, Harish Johari, Pundit Gopi Krishna and basically everything that was ever written by the pioneers of the Theosophical Society...not to mention having studied the Vedas, Upanishads, Bhagavad-Gita, Mahabharata, Ramayana and Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, Hatha Yoga Pradipika by Swami Svatmarama, the collected works of all the Tamil Alvars and Nayanars in addition to the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra, the Maha Nirvana Tantra, the Shiva Rahasya Gita...I could go on...and on...and on... basically ad infinitum...and I have a photographic memory, meaning that I remember everything I have ever read on the subject.

Google has got nothing on me...lol

Aum Namah Shivaya

Wow! You are in a complicated position. :(
And quite spiritual education you have. Respect.

I have a personal hobby-interest in psychology. Freud is not a friend of mine, but this one can be very helpful, about self-realization. And hidden things in the unconscious part.

"https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_association_(psychology)"

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by depthsee

Wow! You are in a complicated position. :(
And quite spiritual education you have. Respect.

I have a personal hobby-interest in psychology. Freud is not a friend of mine, but this one can be very helpful, about self-realization. And hidden things in the unconscious part.

"https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_association_(psychology)"

Wow...I can just imagine myself doing "free association"...it would remind me of that 1970s TV show called "Connections" starring James Burke...totally unrelated things which have the same irreverent, trivial logic in common.

I already do a lot of this.."relational analysis" based upon intersecting patterns of thoughts and ideas from the "cosmic mindfield"...ever heard of the Akashic Records?

Truth is, I know more than any individual being should know...mainly as a diversionary tactic to keep myself fully within my mind...to prevent my awareness from dropping down into my heart space...my Anahata Chakra to remain in the full experience of emergence...staying in the Ajna Chakra..The "Third Eye" is the trade-off here...The "Astral playground" is my home...at the expense of experiencing the bliss of unconditional love that Savikalpa Samadhi should (and does) provide.

Aum Namah Shivaya

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Wow...I can just imagine myself doing "free association"...it would remind me of that 1970s TV show called "Connections" starring James Burke...totally unrelated things which have the same irreverent, trivial logic in common.

I already do a lot of this.."relational analysis" based upon intersecting patterns of thoughts and ideas from the "cosmic mindfield"...ever heard of the Akashic Records?

Truth is, I know more than any individual being should know...mainly as a diversionary tactic to keep myself fully within my mind...to prevent my awareness from dropping down into my heart space...my Anahata Chakra to remain in the full experience of emergence...staying in the Ajna Chakra..The "Third Eye" is the trade-off here...The "Astral playground" is my home...at the expense of experiencing the bliss of unconditional love that Savikalpa Samadhi should (and does) provide.

Aum Namah Shivaya

May be your knowledge has disturbed you on a deep level. What you believe you know, are you able to handle it ?
I happened to get to know things, and I was forced to know them; some make me frightened, some make me sad.



"Namaste".

(hearts)

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by depthsee

May be your knowledge has disturbed you on a deep level. What you believe you know, are you able to handle it ?
I happened to get to know things, and I was forced to know them; some make me frightened, some make me sad.



"Namaste".

(hearts)

Thank you.

It is difficult trying to relate to others on a superficial level when one has the ability to "see through" everything...The whole of existence loses meaning..it loses any and all significance.

The only thing that helps, is grounding my energy by connecting with nature..by embracing the changeless aspect of prakriti which is purusha...which is Brahman...Acintya...The Absolute.

I also love sankirtan... chanting the Holy Names in unison until the air is so thick with vibration that it is palpable...this is the "rarified atmosphere" I thrive in...but finding such a location for that is difficult now... especially in rural Australia...and it isn't the same online...I can't feel it online.

It is even difficult to find a shaman here...

My ego still holds on though, it is worried that I am not going to be who I have been up until now...but whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, I have no idea.

Sometimes "the devil you know" is preferable to the devil you do not...even though it is still a "devil" nevertheless.

Aum Namah Shivaya