Ego, Friends and Family

[XalosJuryin]

I am starting to realize that Ego gets so much in the way of harmony (unless we know hot to work with it).

I am feeling positive right now. I tuned into a moment of spontaneity – the here and now – and this allowed me to be simply loving to my mom.

Usually, I would be like: "Oh, what is it that she is going to say now?" or "Urgh...I wish I had more privacy."

But instead, I was feeling present and hugged her and everything was okay.

I am hoping that I can be like this with my dad. He is the one that my Ego most creates fear with. He is not scary or aggressive in any way; I am blessed to have such a father, he is the best. But whenever I see him, my mind creates expectations and anxiety. I keep waiting for him to criticize me on something, or to order me around. I will grow into a better person if, when he does something like that, I am able to realize that there is nothing to fear and instead just notice my reaction to what he is saying.

Part of my goal with spirituality is to strengthen my relationship with my parents and friends. Being adopted when a baby and having a very different personality from theirs has caused me to feel a little uneasy, but with the feelings of connectedness that I have been experiencing lately, I should know that there is more to it than being reactive.

Does anyone have similar thoughts/issues?

[DoublyVenomous]

That's great progression. Perhaps your dad also has ego issues going on and he'll start working on them upon seeing you doing so?

Ego does get in the way, could share long stories about my big-bad-fat-ego wanting to be superior in everything I appreciate and having most recognition about them than anyone else (people are capable of lying though; dishonest recognition hurts way more than authentic rejection!), but then I usually notice it before it surfaces. It's awesome to make fun of that ego which lives in closet though, although sometimes I still worry whether people "get" the joke. Means there's still work to do.
While I do want to lose ego, I don't want to lose individuality though, because collective subconscious can suck in both!

When I consciously started working on letting go of the ego, I've noticed myself giving more room for that free childlike experimenting with different things instead of shaming whether I'm being seen as someone childish or recognized as someone who is competent. I became less sensitive to parents criticising me about "not being useful" as well. I still acknowledge importance of reputation and image when it comes to human relationships and professional field but that preoccupation doesn't dominate my choices so much.

Also, nowadays I dare admitting my spiritual beliefs publicly instead of shaming it as "weak person's excuses to look strong and wise". Same goes for refusing from things like hugging. While earlier it was like "ugh, I don't wanna do this but I gotta come off as polite to not be rejected/I don't wanna reveal I feel uncomfortable about it because they'll get under my skin!" -> either ends up hugging the other person or gets angry at them for expecting it and regardless of what I did, questioning my choice inside my head until oblivion.

[XalosJuryin]

Originally Posted by DoublyVenomous

That's great progression. Perhaps your dad also has ego issues going on and he'll start working on them upon seeing you doing so?

I think he certainly does! As do we all. In relation to letting go of Ego, though...today I read that it might be more interesting if we work with it, rather than let go of it completely.

It is kind of fun when we come out victorious against that negative chatter inside our minds.

Thanks for your comment, my friend. I really appreciate you sharing your experience.

[DoublyVenomous]

Originally Posted by XalosJuryin

I think he certainly does! As do we all. In relation to letting go of Ego, though...today I read that it might be more interesting if we work with it, rather than let go of it completely.

It's true. I'm glad you bring it up that way because many are still advised to "let go" completely and not always it's beneficial in long-term. Working with it should be given as an option as well.

There'll always be ego. It's your public face and the way you distinguish yourself from others - your real life identity. Best to learn how to use it sensitively to your advantage.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by XalosJuryin

I am starting to realize that Ego gets so much in the way of harmony (unless we know hot to work with it).


Does anyone have similar thoughts/issues?

People say “The ego is bad. I’m working on eliminating mine. I’m not that far along but it’s a worthy goal”

Trying to eliminate your ego is worse than a worthless goal, it’s a distraction from the real business of living, figuring out where to be yangly self-assertive and where to be yin-ly receptive and accommodating.

The above is from the below link & it seems to be pretty accurate. Being able to chill out & regroup calms the water enough for you to be patient & accepting at the times when you most likely don't think you can.

Parents fuss & worry. Teenagers want space. Everything inbetween.
If your intentions aren't bad & you realise your own mistakes just try to be a good person as often as you can.

ego-ten-myths-you-ll-be-relieved-debunk

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[DoublyVenomous]

Agreed with Lore and Knight.

Perhaps the difference between ego and your true-self (yang/self-assertive) is that ego seeks validation from others while the latter doesn't. Higher self would be our potential, all we wish to become but aren't there yet? Ego may feel threatened by successes of others while when we are true to ourselves, we accept competition as natural part of life but our confidence isn't dragged down by someone elses success. Ego can also be kind of a social mask, that's how I thought of it when younger!

Perhaps "eliminating ego" would benefit those who are naturally so aggressive, they feel they're not obliged/dont care how their actions affect others, even if it were against the law and common well-being.

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

People say “The ego is bad. I’m working on eliminating mine. I’m not that far along but it’s a worthy goal”

Trying to eliminate your ego is worse than a worthless goal, it’s a distraction from the real business of living, figuring out where to be yangly self-assertive and where to be yin-ly receptive and accommodating.

The above is from the below link & it seems to be pretty accurate. Being able to chill out & regroup calms the water enough for you to be patient & accepting at the times when you most likely don't think you can.

Parents fuss & worry. Teenagers want space. Everything inbetween.
If your intentions aren't bad & you realise your own mistakes just try to be a good person as often as you can.

ego-ten-myths-you-ll-be-relieved-debunk

.

Agreed

Trying to get rid of ego is like trying to get rid of desire.
At that point you are desiring to have no desire.

Getting rid of ego is using the very thing you don't want to use, to stop using it.

[XalosJuryin]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

There'll always be ego. It's your public face and the way you distinguish yourself from others - your real life identity. Best to learn how to use it sensitively to your advantage.

Makes sense. Thank you!