What to do with someone who has no one and is destroying himself?

[lilith]

Hi!
This has been bothering me and I can't figure it out, so I'm writing about it here. Well, there's this old man that is a chronic alcoholic. I guess he lives around here, no one really knows where. I'm sorry if this will sound cruel, but honestly for you to understand the situation, he's drunk all the time and he's talking non sense. People ignore him. He only asks for money for booze. Sometimes someone calls an ambulance, including me, when he's really bad, but they release him same day I think. He's really sick, looks terrible, I can't even describe it, he has many health issues not just from alcohol.
I kind of made friends with him, because I'm sorry for him and he's lonely. So we basically talk every day, but mostly he's rude to me so I keep my distance.

I don't know what to do about him. No one cares. He doesn't want help, but that's alcohol talking. I feel enormous guilt for leaving him. I wish I could take him home and give him a bath or something he didn't have for weeks, probably more. I'm not strong enough to do it, he barely walks, and I'm scared it'll get toxic and complicated. I've dealt with addicts in my family and in relationships. I'm a magnet for that and it's my fault. I feel responsible. There are so many people like him in town, but with him I got somewhat close.

I pray for him and tried to do some distant healing, but it seems no use. Never mind me feeling bad about it, what can I do for him? I'm sorry for bothering all of you reading this :(

Originally Posted by lilith

Hi!
................

I don't know what to do about him. No one cares. He doesn't want help, but that's alcohol talking.

Could be...but there's a saying that's been around for millennia: "veritas in vino" (wine brings out the truth or truth in wine) as it closes down inhibitions which is why some folk get into trouble when drunk. As he's been an alcoholic for some time (I suppose) it's an ordinary viewpoint to him. If he got help it would probably aim to get him off the bottle which he may not want. Could be he'd need something to occupy him intensely to break him away from it. Perhaps there have been offers of help in the past.

I feel enormous guilt for leaving him. I wish I could take him home and give him a bath or something he didn't have for weeks, probably more. I'm not strong enough to do it, he barely walks, and I'm scared it'll get toxic and complicated. I've dealt with addicts in my family and in relationships. I'm a magnet for that and it's my fault. I feel responsible. There are so many people like him in town, but with him I got somewhat close.

I'd truly understand if you felt enormous compassion but why guilt? If he doesn't want help or won't be helped? (Actually you probably do a lot by talking to him no matter what his responses. You're at least acknowledging him and him you - you care. For that you shouldn't feel guilt.) How can you feel responsible? Ok, I know what you mean: you'd love to help but can't. However, you can't because he won't be helped.

I reckon you're doing the best you can.

I pray for him and tried to do some distant healing, but it seems no use. Never mind me feeling bad about it, what can I do for him? I'm sorry for bothering all of you reading this :(

That's honestly about all you can do. Talking and care may mean something to him even if he's incapable of revealing what. You just have to pray that he'll see the light inasmuch as he'll realise there's a better way to be and seek that help. Your compassion may stretch to wanting to intervene directly as you describe but that could worsen the problem - he becomes dependent on you as well as the booze. Inviting him into your life won't solve the booze problem...well, it might but it's chancy. If he invited you into his life it would be a different matter because he'd be inviting you to help.

If you can afford the time, pass a few words with him when you can. It could even be that, as a psychic gesture, i reaches other people who may likewise give him more notice. But there really is no need to feel guilt.

A sad story and this is the place to share it.


L

♥.

[Dargor]

If he rejects your kindness and treats you miserably then perhaps you should just give up on him or at least stop seeing him for a while. You don't need to feel any guilt because unlike the majority of people you actually displayed care for him.

[Mysticat-IID]

It seems as if he has given up on himself. He doesn't seem to want to try being positive about much because it'd probably end up into another disappointment which fuels the need to numb the pain with alcohol. Maybe he fears your concern for him isnt authentic?
Know that you aren't responsible for his pain or life, it's his choice to screw up his life and reject your kindness as well as the consequences for doing so, but it's truly respectable that you are trying to help him with persistence and offering him hope and understanding to have it little better! If nothing changes, just realise the right time to let go for the sake of your own well being.

You can't rescue someone from drowning unless you can first swim well yourself. Despite our skills and effort, not everytime those we carry to the shore make it alive, but we can always hope to maintain motivation behind our noble actions.

[Antonio94]

I know this may sound cruel to you at first but what I'm more interested is why do you want to help him? Why do you feel guilty in the first place?
When we see him like that, we may feel sorry for him. But is "sorry" what he want? Or he want something else? In my point of view, what you feel isn't understanding, but rather, a kind of pitying. I don't sense the feeling of understanding each other pain, but rather, a desire of wishing to be able to do something.
Unless you understand why you want to help and what is the exact thing that person want, I believe any methods are just temporary and they aren't effective in long term. Helping some one is good, but doesn't know how and why we want to help them just make things become worst.
Again, sorry if this sounds cruel to you but hope this can help to some extent.

[lilith]

Thanks everyone. <3

Antonio, go ahead, I appreciate honesty. I think I understand because I used to cling to a bottle to escape things I didn't want to face. I can't help him by showing understanding in such bad condition, it's really really bad. How? The only thing he screams and begs for is money to buy himself another bottle. I can't reach him.

Why guilt? Because he's so bad he's probably about to die soon if he doesn't stop drinking. It's a cry for help. I can help even though I'm not sure how, everyone can, there's always a way, but I'm a selfish coward just like everyone else is who bury their head in the sand because it's going to be difficult. I'm not ok with my choice.

Why I wanna help him? Because everybody needs help and what kind of a poor evolved world is it where most say to accept that it's his choice to be in pain. It's an excuse for an easy path. I can't accept such powerless world, I have a desire to do something. Maybe I'm just tripping I'm a god / saviour and I'll determinate others destiny. At least of those who seem to cross my path somehow. I'm sorry, I am so frustrated.

[FallingLeaves]

sometimes, just being there and listening is all you can do. And sometimes, that helps more than you can see.

[CrystalSong]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

sometimes, just being there and listening is all you can do. And sometimes, that helps more than you can see.

This.
And give him food.
He needs food.