Defining it for what it is

[Seenthelight]

Originally Posted by Inika

is it possible to be 'friends' with attraction there?

i wonder if guilt becomes conscious because deep in the conscious we are fully aaware of our desires.

Exactly that. I want to be friends... or do I actually want more than that? Although this takes away the fact that I also don't want to actually have a romantic relationship with him. Do I desire him? When I am away from him, I can't deny that isn't part of it. When I am with him, it's something else entirely. Completely different energy to just 'fancying him'. I want to know him, inside and out, what makes him tick, what is his opinion on x, y, z. I want to reach out to him about how I have felt over the last 10 years and find out things from his perspective.

Which is why we would never be actual friends, I guess, never mind the married male/female thing.

[Inika]

10 years is such a long time. There must be bonding feels on his side toward you too. I hope you get to openly discuss things with him freely without akwardness.

I have thoughts about marriage. but only because mine didnt work and i vowed against it ever again.
Unless there is an ideal or perfect marriage in existence where neither spouse's soul is still unsatisfied and unconsciously 'looking' for its ultimate rest. then my thoughts remain.

i wonder if soul love, true love, unconditional love, agape love comes into it or if many are a coupling up for power, wealth, comfort and material security. And maybe, love will grow into it.. Or what was thought of as love has become 'comfortable old slippers' and love/romance and passion died off long ago.

Sometimes i think it's a 'role' that is a socially accepted thing to do.
'its been 5 years, you two ever gonna get married?'

hmm yeah, we may as well ***not like anyone else has showed up***, we are friends, i love him, trust him. may as well.
i dont get why to marry? I do not understand it's specific purpose apart from a role and a title.
Play it well and right and you'll be rewarded wife/mother/father/husband of all history.

logic tells us its the thing to do. it's human.

spirit says ***? ok lets roll with it. learn from it.

[Seenthelight]

I hope he did feel something too, as you say. It certainly felt electric when we met. There was a soft energy to begin with that just grew in intensity. I am used to spontaneous spiritual experiences so I know the difference between me making it happen and it happening to and around me. This was definitely happening to and around me.
I too hope to discuss it with him some day and doubt I will rest until we do. I won't feel awkward, nervous yes. None of us want to be told 'I'm flattered but...' when actually what I would be trying to convey is probably the most difficult thing to explain.

I understand where you are at re marriage. It is a social construct. Who says we have to be married? Biologically aren't we meant to mate with as many as possible? Who knows. But I love my husband and I am happy to be married to him.
I just wish I could meet up with this man I feel this connection to ...I guess the awkwardness will come from me asking my husband if he minds...which sounds ridiculous written down but I would do this out of respect. I can't be doing with tiptoeing around and avoiding telling him. It was bad enough telling him I 'bumped into' him last week. He didn't sound in the least bit interested anyway.
I have a plan how I will bring the subject up...whether or not this guy then wants to meet is another thing entirely. I have an awkward habit of making things weird because I overthink everything.

Originally Posted by Inika

10 years is such a long time. There must be bonding feels on his side toward you too. I hope you get to openly discuss things with him freely without akwardness.

I have thoughts about marriage. but only because mine didnt work and i vowed against it ever again.
Unless there is an ideal or perfect marriage in existence where neither spouse's soul is still unsatisfied and unconsciously 'looking' for its ultimate rest. then my thoughts remain.

i wonder if soul love, true love, unconditional love, agape love comes into it or if many are a coupling up for power, wealth, comfort and material security. And maybe, love will grow into it.. Or what was thought of as love has become 'comfortable old slippers' and love/romance and passion died off long ago.

Sometimes i think it's a 'role' that is a socially accepted thing to do.
'its been 5 years, you two ever gonna get married?'

hmm yeah, we may as well ***not like anyone else has showed up***, we are friends, i love him, trust him. may as well.
i dont get why to marry? I do not understand it's specific purpose apart from a role and a title.
Play it well and right and you'll be rewarded wife/mother/father/husband of all history.

logic tells us its the thing to do. it's human.

spirit says ***? ok lets roll with it. learn from it.

[Tortoise Walks]

Originally Posted by Inika

is it possible to be 'friends' with attraction there?

i wonder if guilt becomes conscious because deep in the conscious we are fully aaware of our desires.

Yes, I can be friends if there is attraction... I do and I have. I can have tight discipline and hold boundaries. When I believe it is in accordance with my highest good which it usually is... Save with one person?! Because with him, authentically, my heart says yes a lot... that should he LEAN IN... and my heart was saying yes in that moment... as it does :-/

This is known and acknowledged [from a distance] between the both of us:

My vulnerability towards him and also support of where I'm at within the known and acknowledged boundaries/emotions/freedom of my committed marriage/life partnership. Still, I could also be perfectly content with presence, chatting and talking or whatever... This I know. My preference is connection of some kind... Silent "presence" is where we're at now. I support. Figuring... feeling it out... over time.

Attraction, for me, as related to a desire for sexual participation is a transient thing that is affected by a host of variables. It ebbs and flows. Sexuality is important, yes... as a right of passage to your Self and your own inner workings connected and merged with another (others as the case may be). Wow! Also thinks of love buckets and lunar cycles and artistic endeavors... and shadow layers... Sometimes more ON than not...

I do not believe sexual fulfillment to be the basis of life partnerships... living together... building family... home... wiping babies bums... wiping each others bums... growth and evolving. Sexual connection... helps, yes, but complete personal sexual fulfillment? think about it. What happens if it doesn't fulfill? What happens if it falters or subsides? What's left?

Love. Is another thing. And I don't dare to control the love I feel within. Why? Who would want me to? Do you? And if one does what does that say about where we're at?

Love can be like water flexible enough to fill vessels of limitless shape. So beautiful and meaningful. So yes. I can be a friend. A lover. A coworker. A collaborator. A neighbor to gift you sugar for your family's Sunday brunch. A board game player... An appreciative flirt if it suits... Who supports YOUR life's goals more than any agenda I may have...

...

Guilt, for me, is an indication that I’m not living in accordance to my authentic self/values or representing my authentic self/capabilities to those I am in relationship with (personally, socially & professionally) OR i am imposing outside expectations/values upon myself that I cannot/choose not to live by. The latter is damaging and gives away my personal power living for other's expectations more than my own, IMO. The former is up to me to discern and reckon with until I find inner alignment...

TW

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by Inika

10 years is such a long time. There must be bonding feels on his side toward you too. I hope you get to openly discuss things with him freely without akwardness.

I have thoughts about marriage. but only because mine didnt work and i vowed against it ever again.
Unless there is an ideal or perfect marriage in existence where neither spouse's soul is still unsatisfied and unconsciously 'looking' for its ultimate rest. then my thoughts remain.

i wonder if soul love, true love, unconditional love, agape love comes into it or if many are a coupling up for power, wealth, comfort and material security. And maybe, love will grow into it.. Or what was thought of as love has become 'comfortable old slippers' and love/romance and passion died off long ago.

Sometimes i think it's a 'role' that is a socially accepted thing to do.
'its been 5 years, you two ever gonna get married?'

hmm yeah, we may as well ***not like anyone else has showed up***, we are friends, i love him, trust him. may as well.
i dont get why to marry? I do not understand it's specific purpose apart from a role and a title.
Play it well and right and you'll be rewarded wife/mother/father/husband of all history.

logic tells us its the thing to do. it's human.

spirit says ***? ok lets roll with it. learn from it.

Marriage seems horribly outdated to me. When you take it's original intent, which was really a property exchange (with the woman being the property of course), it seems to have no purpose in this day and age. Of course in the past it was necessary for woman, as we had very little options to support ourselves other than rely on a man. That has slowly changed over time and with the ability to have our own voice and support ourselves, we as woman no longer are forced into the agreement.
It seems to linger on due to the general fear that most people have of being alone. And it's convenient to have somebody to do things with. Most people don't like to do things alone, this requires another person around that has made an agreement. As a society, we don't put much stock in friendships, our sense of community has all but completely died (community hardly exists anymore), we are more isolated than ever (to spite having the ability to connect to people all over the world). Does a 1000 likes on facebook really fulfill us if we have nobody to call that we can talk to in person?

Then of course there's the argument that it's healthier for the children to have 2 parents and both must be in the home, living together for it to benefit them. Is this always the best way? That's debatable and a whole other argument.

Sexual fulfillment seems to also be a big issue for most people, especially for men (most don't seem to be able to go without it for long; hence relationships are created prematurely and drug out much longer than they should last in a lot of cases). When one thinks about it like this, it seems to be rather enslaving. Makes sense that it is one of the curses bestowed upon us when we fell into human bodies.

Edited to add: Being authentic is an absolute must for anyone on the spiritual path. At some point you reach a point where you either be authentic or you get off the spiritual path and go back to the material world. Reminds me of a quote:
If I hide myself where ever I go
Am I ever really there?

[Anne]

Great post TW!

At the risk of going off topic, I’d like to say while I agree people don’t need marriage for reasons they did in the past - I am not prepared to toss the marriage ideal in the outdated bin just yet.

It could be I’m on a royal wedding high and still under the influence of a voracious homily...but when I think of two souls connecting and wishing to commit themselves unto each other with a blessing from Source to become one unit..., well, I think twin flames...

“if humanity ever captures the energy of love, it will be the second time in history that we have discovered fire”

And I know it’s just not me, rather hundreds of thousands turned out to appreciate the importance of Love and even Romance!

With regard to the OP, when you’re already married to someone else and then meet a TF I imagine it is very much like banging your head against a brick wall.
It does seem impossible at times, figuring out how to handle a friendship.

[Seenthelight]

Originally Posted by Anne

With regard to the OP, when you’re already married to someone else and then meet a TF I imagine it is very much like banging your head against a brick wall.
It does seem impossible at times, figuring out how to handle a friendship.

Thanks, yes, just that. Hitting my head on a brick wall.

That said, I have come to the realisation that I have got what I so longed for for all those years - to meet him face to face again, to know that all is okay between us, and for at least one of us to recognise that that connection still exists. Is that enough? I think for now, it is what it is and I should be grateful that he at least remembers me and, somewhere I did recognise the connection we have reflected in his eyes.

[Tortoise Walks]

Thanks Anne. I believe the intention to marry and/or share a life partnership is a wonderful thing to do and can lead to such intimacy and knowing with another. I’m in the middle of that journey myself. However, it is definitely not one size fits all as each person has their own soul journey (even in marriage) and sometimes these journies may seem at odds with or hurtful to our life partners as we discover ourselves and our partners and change.

I have several chapters thus far in my life and many more to go if i am lucky... we can commit to the process of life partnership but it’s always evolving. I’ve found that having rigid expectations/assumtions of what marriage/life partnership means and will look like without ongoing sharing/recommitting/agreeing stifles the possible shared growth and intimacy between you.

From the beginning of a life partnership from whatever point it begins... from adolescence... adulthood... parenthood... retirement... aging... I wonder how we know what we are committing to in terms of being a compassionate witness supporting the growth and full expression of your partner (or letting them go if needed) wherever they’re at and vice versa more so than fulfilling the expected roles we want from/with them.

To me this may mean compassionately witnessing partners: explore their place in the world individually, maybe even falling/being in love with others as they meet meaningful friends, soulmates/soul connections, and/or following that divine passionate spark within... or service or whatever we do with our time and our changing lives (in relationship, freindship, mission, profession, etc...). In down times of sickness, injury and any hardship.

What we agree to during both our life unfoldings is up to us but the witnessing/allowing/validating emotions and soul experience is very important, to me anyway... i find that in many marriages/partnerships the ability to even share topically about these kind of soul happenings/feelings/stirrings is taboo and hurtful (made out to be “wrong” and “how could you do this to me?” - from a hurt partner when it’s not always about them at root and more about self and soul discovery). There can be much heartache and inner turmoil... there can be much opportunity to be real and raw...

I guess i feel that talking about the possibilities and how as a life partnership you want to approach such chapters and ebbs and flows is time well spent.

Originally Posted by Anne

Great post TW!

At the risk of going off topic, I’d like to say while I agree people don’t need marriage for reasons they did in the past - I am not prepared to toss the marriage ideal in the outdated bin just yet.

It could be I’m on a royal wedding high and still under the influence of a voracious homily...but when I think of two souls connecting and wishing to commit themselves unto each other with a blessing from Source to become one unit..., well, I think twin flames...

“if humanity ever captures the energy of love, it will be the second time in history that we have discovered fire”

And I know it’s just not me, rather hundreds of thousands turned out to appreciate the importance of Love and even Romance!

With regard to the OP, when you’re already married to someone else and then meet a TF I imagine it is very much like banging your head against a brick wall.
It does seem impossible at times, figuring out how to handle a friendship.

[SnoCake]

Originally Posted by Seenthelight

Hello

I'm not going to go into lots of detail about the connection I have with this man, save to say:
* I met him 10 years ago at work and within 5 months realised I had developed feelings for him
* We were and are both married, me with a family which has since extended
* I had to leave the job because I wanted to focus on my marriage and I couldn't with him around, it was that intense
* Nothing ever actually happened but we did grow closer in the weeks leading up to my departure. We hugged on my leaving day and we met once outside of work after that, but only for 45 mins coffee.
* After that, I fell into some sort of hell/abyss/dark night of the soul that triggered the growth and learning that oh.my.goodness was the making of who I am today.
And since:
* It has been 6 years since I last saw him face to face to speak to.
* never a day goes by when he doesn't cross my mind, even when my last child was born almost 4 years ago.
* I went through a period of about a year when my child was born where he didn't cross my mind so much - hormones probably
* I had episodes of intense emotions about him that would come weeks or months apart and usually were triggered by a dream
* This latest episode has lasted since November 2016 though. Since he changed his profile pic to something I, well, wow.
* This led me to find out more about limerence, which I explored but left me with so many questions (I am still exploring these)

The biggest one being - why does this persist - why this particular person. It doesn't matter what I am doing, where I am. There is this intangible SOMETHING that I can't explain, that connects me to this person. I feel on the verge of us coming back into contact but not sure if that is just me and wishful thinking. I don't want a romantic relationship with him. I understand that is not what this connection is about. But it is just something that, for 10 years, I cannot explain or place. I know to me his energy feels like 'me', if that makes sense. Although I have only a memory to go on and we are obviously very different people nowadays. We are in contact on FB but rarely speak - he responded to a recent post of mine though which has got me all of a pfffttttt.

I don't know what I am after posting here -advice, or validation/confirmation or sharing with others so fire at me what you wish...

My opinion is these connections, if not related to limerence or another attachment issue, is Empathic. Everything is energy and frequency and vibes. We can vibe with many different people - even strangers. But once in awhile we come across someone who is broadcasting, so to speak, on our very same frequency, and we connect in a way that is much deeper and more intense than any other connection. Our minds try to rationalize what has occurred, leading to romantic feelings. Also, where being an empath is concerned, he may have feelings for you that you are picking up on and owning as yours.

In my opinion, there are no Twin Flames - not as described or defined by New Age gurus. There are connections between people, yes. For those who have been involved with their so-called TF and later part, it could be an attachment issue. For others, it could very well be limerence. And for others, it could be a deeper empathic bond that has formed between two deeply intuitive, empathic people.

The idea of TFs is great, but I do believe the basis lies in being an empath.

[57tcjc75]

The post by Inika is a good one for me, as to the questions to ask.
My situation resonates with some sites that say there are 7 twin flames, some same sex, some opposite sex, also there is a twin ray which is the original God Spark, the twin flames being more of the Christ Consciousness (this part resonates with me also in my experience meeting the twin flames, the 7).
I think children, a parent or parents, aunts, uncles, etc., any or all can be a twin flame of the 7, & I'm just sharing my experience here, I sense this is all so different for each one.
I think too if there are the fraternal or identical, meaning opposite or similar types of t.f.'s..I think I get that part too, & mine would be opposite types of personalities.
When I met my twin ray (& I think the t.f. that I first met consciously that his twin ray is his sister).. then things began to pull into heaven for me, like I could see then, the, "story," involved of how this fit together.
I just wonder also.. people that say don't maybe go through these type of awakenings, say their life is a neat package of marriage, kids, relatives, white picket fence.. Could it be that those of us going through this are spiritual leaders..
& I love the question by Inika of .. now what... as to the energy. What to do about what one is going through.
With my latest conscious t.f. meeting, the guy lives in same apt. complex. We are the same age. He went through his divorce a number of years ago and it nearly broke him in two, and same with myself.
I have worked VERY hard to put my life back together (I'm sure he has too in the way he has, he is an overcomer type)..
I think in heaven he will be a gardener... He is great at this, & where I am currently at with all of this in my mind/heart/soul... trying to decipher, now what... It's like I see myself at a different place than he is in Heaven....
I see one of my other t.f.'s closer to me & my twin ray, both... All of us having access to each other when needed & this, "family," like from beginning of time with an order to it...
I think this is soul family...
Where I'm at right now with this ... in part.. & still questioning in total WHAT to do with it... as to this latest t.f. guy.. I also am consciously realizing (I think) the soul connections, part of the 144 soul group, around me, not all of them but some.. & I understand enough to be able to move in the bigger picture with this..
The t.f. I am just meeting/ knowing (it's been about 6 months & there is usually a 9 month period of intensity /confusion .. so I am in newer stages of trying to figure out what to do ).. This is his first awakening.
Orig. awakening guy, would be like the son (though we were similar age), but he was one who helped me be slain in The Spirit, my awakening.. opened me up.., then along comes twin ray 2 yrs after that ended ....
then twin soul, etc. Twin ray reminds me of the spouse, & Father .. like in another lifetime I was married to my twin ray (& I truly think these all are very different & purposed for higher dimensions being brought back together as light bodies, soul family).
SO .. in heaven.. I don't think we all just sit around doing nothing.. this is where I'm at...
I feel I am blocking to a degree, newer t.f. from having the daily access to me.. it's overwhelming to me, he calls & comes around more than I am comfortable with... He is OK with just friends.. we seem to have a very clear understanding of the type of connection .. which is slightly different than previous meetings of the t.f.s consciously.. Newer t.f. meeting we are the same age, same time of divorce (year), & we both were very broken from it.. still trying to heal..
When he comes around.. if I allow him to, "hang out," it is more like I am a mother/ grandmother, & he is a son/ grandson... He would be like the perfect son/grandson to me.. but...
Then last night, his twin ray, the other gal that lives here he also feels close to, but t.f. seems to be pursuing me .. as to the intensity & as a t.f....
not necessarily more than friends but this NEED for connection.. & I am more the runner, he is chaser...
OK so his twin ray calls me.. telling me that God told her I need to work on boundaries with him. I, "heard," her and if anything she could very well be another one of my 7 t.f.'s.. If there are 7, & some are opposite sex, some same sex.. for growth, understanding, PURPOSE..
So she's trying to shove me back from him.. They are Just friends, & I didn't like a few of the things she said to me, as I really don't think she is seeing his spirit as much as she can or should, I think this t.f. guy I know is maybe a bit higher of a light body than she is.. BUT.. here's where I'm at..
the soul FAMILY... I think it is like a family in a way.. so has to be pulled back to be inclusive and purposed...
She (his twin ray I think).. is telling me to pull back, so I am not overwhelmed by him, and that he is working on himself.. Now they talk a bit everyday..
But see this is what I am experiencing, it's like this dance, of soul family & pushing hard into our own highest self..
I'm concerned about him... because I think not too many see his spirit, but some are not as nice to him... but I do see his potential and maybe way more than his twin ray person... at the moment.. I think she is a lower light body than he is.. so yes they have a knowing but he is vulnerable ..
& YES it is trying to figure out the energy, & what to do about, the connection.
Peter Kreeft, is a professor, wrote a book about, "Is there sex in heaven," he talks about being light bodies and soul families & how it's as if we can love in a much larger way in Heaven.. THAT is what I see.. like when I hug my closest of souls.. we merge but in understanding of who we are in completion .. at our highest selves.. I see myself closest to my twin ray, and also to the t.f. I met 4 yrs ago who died (2 yrs ago).. but I see the others around but not connected as closely to me...
HENCE what to do about... Where I push this latest t.f. guy back.. is I want and need him to work on himself.. to give me space.. so I can keep my own autonomy & movement in my life.. He wants to be clingy at times.. and even with the last t.f. that didn't bother me like this newest experience...
It is confusing to me too.. as I could use a closer friend at moment, however I have done tremendous healing & part of my healing is moving out, in self knowing, working on my own stuff...
So that movement of energy .. is also a huge piece of puzzle....
Either I am to allow him to be in my life, and move with this.. or to keep pushing him back so he is working on himself & having less contact with me.
Whichever it is, he is like a grandson/son to me, not the age difference, we are same age, but in his knowing /understanding, etc.

I am praying about this.. because it's like these meetings are about healing, accepting this, but also it's about work on self.. I could see the newest t.f. meeting that he and I might not see each other that much, & in heaven if there are no words necessary but communication is by thought.. is it really needed to keep having him come around.. this is so tricky..
I felt, freer in my person around my twin ray.. & the twin flame who passed away, as it seemed to not get caught up like some hook as much...
I read too on here or else where, when not, "sure do nothing." I'm kind of at that point with this, so at least I don't lose myself .... I think? the twin ray's even if it is like a family member as a twin ray.. it is trumped slightly higher than the 7 t.f.'s.. & the expectations are greater.. Self does not need to disappear in these meetings & perhaps THAT is the answer..
we are connected to God, this is my own personal belief, HE is our Father and our Spouse.. so any deleted / confusion would be to just pull back..
connect to source (mine is God/ Yeshuah/The Holy Spirit).. and keep growing, in love, understanding.

Originally Posted by Inika

what do you believe is the purpose?


Once gone through the 'definition' of it that you have listed in what connections and syncs via feeling etc, you experience linked to him. Then what? What then do you do? Same energy? So what are you to do about or with your energy?

Basically.....whats your point? What now? What about you? How is your inner sanctuary going? What has been born in your conscious bodie(s) since discovering such a connection.