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Originally Posted by eatember
Hi, all.
I keep feeling like I should be interacting with places like this, or with individual people. But I feel sort of...at odds with the whole thing? Not that I disagree with people necessarily, but I feel like I'm hitting a more complicated emotional wall. It's hard to put words to. I'm gunna try anyways, maybe someone here has felt the same way?
I feel like I get this general, undefined feeling of aversion. It's like a big feeling made out of a lot of little things. Each little thing is something I think or feel or question about the spiritual community. Each thing is something I need to address and sort-out, because they're contributing to that unpleasant feeling. They each make sense on their own. I could articulate them just fine if they were individual thoughts. But the aversion feeling is made up of so many and it hits me all at once. I can't focus on them all at once!
It's like seeing a dust cloud where I can't see every individual speck of dust at once. I'm trying to understand the shape of each little speck, but to shift focus from the large cloud to one speck is overwhelming because the cloud wants to be felt all at once, right now! That's too much information. I feel like my brain is trying to squeeze an octopus through a pinhole.
It's difficult because even when I see spiritual pieces of writing or a video or something, while I'm reading or watching something will be said or I'll observe something that brings some of those thoughts, feelings and questions to the surface or generates new ones. But I'm getting handfuls of them occurring to me all at one time, in real time, and even more happening as I try to read on or keep watching. The big feeling will keep happening the entire time.
Does anyone know anything about this? Maybe someone's been through it before? I wasn't sure if it was a spiritual thing or something that could be considered more mundane but I haven't heard of mundane problems like this. Also, I've handled some pretty intense mundane problems and read some pretty dense stuff and dealing with several questions or variables or pieces of information to consider at once usually doesn't bother me like this at all. I'm usually pretty good at that. This only happens when I'm trying to interact with metaphysical spiritual community stuff so far. (Although if anyone did have a non-spiritual explanation I would appreciate those too.)
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Hi and welcome to the Forum.
There is a lot of information out there and most of it is totally contradictory. Yes, it can be like opening a can of worms at times, which you wish you didn't do and everything seems downright confusing.
Have you ever considered meditation? Just trying to shut it all out and go within? If this is difficult for you, just focus on the breath. Practice being mindful and totally present with everyday mundane activities like eating and bathing...This is all that is really required.
I wish you all the best.