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Originally Posted by EgoIsSatan
I lost it around age 22 because of schizophrenia and antipsychotic medication. Possibly a loss of some grey matter in the brain. Before 22 I was more my soul, more emotionally sensitive and passionate. Also, another very important aspect of that time was the ability to get high on cannabis. Instant heaven every time I smoked with low tolerance, which was and is much deserved. I don't want to hear anything against it.
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The first thing to understand is that your 'real self' never went anywhere to begin with.
It is 'story time' now..
My family gathers around and gossips about others this time of year, while I just sit back, smoking weed, drinking vodka cruisers and listening in...I say nothing...just laughing and nodding a lot (before falling asleep where I sit).
Now, the conversation came around to my niece, with my brother and his wife whining because she just "cannot be told" anything...and my mother piped up "Dianne (me) is ALSO like that...she cannot be told anything EITHER" and I just smiled.
I don't know about anybody else, but we were told and taught to "respect our elders" BUT, if we ever disagreed about anything...if we had our OWN ideas and way of doing things, the mantra was always; "just shut up and BE TOLD!"...unfortunately, some people were born with the "learn through independent, personal experience gene" and it's something we are born with and we do NOT "do our own thing" just to be contrary, or to disrespect others...which is what everybody else thinks, because we are not doing whatever
they say...whatever they want us to.
We look at how their personal philosophy has made their
own lives a miserable wreck and say "there is no WAY I am going to end up like you by doing what you tell me to do...no WAY".
I mean, I won't dis weed...I smoke it occasionally myself...once every few months for about a week until I "get over it"...but I was a regular user myself not so long ago (about half an ounce a week) and if you want your old self back, learning how to "take it or leave it" is a great start...and that goes for WHATEVER is "controlling you" from an innocent blunt, to a narcissistic parent, to a history of abuse.
I don't know how many times over the past week, I have faced my mother's scornful disapproval with "I don't care what you have to say, because I will do whatever the hell I WANT regardless of what you think...so suck it up!"
In the process, I am getting in touch with my "real self"...because my "real self" is the one that continuously says; "f*** 'em ALL!...Do what thou wilt shall be ALL of the Law" and I thank God I have read Aleister Crowley.