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Originally Posted by BeastMatt
Hi John,
I meditated 8 years ago due to a traumatic experience. I thereafter discontinously meditated whenever I wanted, or when I felt the need to. There were long periods that I didn't meditate at all.
Recently, due to the pain that I suffered, and wanted a decision about a very important issue(could be for life), I meditated regularly for 1-2 months, but the answer I wanted just frustrated me. I got two answers inside me. I couldn't distinguish which one was really my higher self telling me. They sounded equally important, but at the same time contradicted to each another, which drove me crazy. My experience in meditation was it took time to get into the state of tranquility, the state of absence of thoughts only appeared like 3 seconds in a 20 minutes meditation. The state of stillness could last for 3 to 5 minutes I think, but there were thoughts, but I could feel the stillness inside. Occasionally, I felt there were no boundaries between me and my body, and immerged to all that was. After I opened my eye with that state after meditating, I could still feel myself became all that was, and this feeling would dissipate gradually. Many times when I felt frustrated or angry or offended that day, it was very hard for me to meditate, and there would be thoughts all over inside my head during meditating.
After all, I am still an elementary meditator.
But, why the question.....?
Matt
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This is how I delt with my horrific past, I believe it will work for you also.
My parents were complete psychos. For some 19 YEARS they subjected me to relentless verbal and physical abuse. I lost track of how many times they tried to kill me. So when I graduated from high school and got a job ($$$), I fled one night and NEVER looked back.
I put it all behind me by repeatedly telling myself that I was finally FREE and realizing that they could no longer hurt me. Repeating it until it completely sunk in that it was all behind me now and I was FREE to do whatever I wanted in life. and there was not one damn thing they could do about it. They were GONE and my life could finally begin. I would just keep telling myself that whenever the negative memories would start to come back. That, and I immersed myself in doing all the things I always wanted to do. To live life in the NOW, and let it sink in how very good it felt to be ALIVE with my whole life ahead of me, FREE to enjoy every single minute of it. And there was nothing they could do about it! The key is to stay focused upon enjoying the NOW. The past is GONE, the future isn't here yet, there is just to NOW to experience. After a while they were largely erased from my mind. Soon just a distant dull memory.