I have meditated for over 12yrs desperately trying to get answers to questions I've had but I finally got the answers to them so don't be discouraged it takes time for some things. Also if you truly have tried as hard as you say you have and still the problem remains then perhaps you are trying to hold an image that isn't ment for you and you may need to find your true "self" like a Dr. Pretending to be a veterinarian and vice versa it may work for s little bit but eventually neither one can hold the job down because that's not what there ment to do .