There was a guy.
I was deeply in love with him for 3 years.
Our position was a bit complicated.
Year 1 to year 3, we didn't talk, year 4, we talked. And no talk then until year 5.
Year 5, I had a dream of him, and I fell in love with him after that dream, I tried hard to hold my feelings back and tried my best to avoid him. And he showed interest in me and always flirted with me a little bit.
I denied my feelings for him and tried to get in other relationships.
Then he left school.
Why did I do this? I don't know, I just didn't want to face him, when I looked at him, I wanted to run away, I see my defects, my wounds and something I don't want to face when I see him. I can't even look at his pictures.
I told him by email that I liked him. After 6 months, he replied and gave me his address telling me he had moved to other country. Then I never got his reply. Maybe my letter offended him.
I feel that he doesn't care and bother about me. And I decided to move on, why do I still dream of him so often even though I don't think of him? Why did the feelings always came back?
I thought he was my twin flame, but due to his indifference, I started to believe that he was a karmic soulmate, but there's much karma !? There's no take and give? He did nothing wrong to me, and so didn't I.
I almost could get over him, then yesterday, a friend of me just mentioned about him to me, now I started to think about him again, and I keep seeing his name everywhere..
I tried not to think of him, and I almost could get over him. There's pain and I feel hurting when I think of him, why? I'm not obsessed with him anymore, I don't love him anymore, why do I still have feelings for him? Why can't I look at him? Why does he make me face something I hate, something I don't want to see, something I avoid?
I'm afraid of him.
I'm sure there must be something between us. Don't know what it is. If there's karma, what kind of karma is it? What past life did we have together?
It's strange.. I tried not to think about him and move on. And everything was good, then the feelings came back again because my friend talked about him yesterday...
Can I cut cord? I really want to fet over him. Do you think not thinking of him work? I tried to figure out what I'm avoiding and what I actually fear, but can't figure out...
That person... just makes me feel so complicated.. I'm attracted to him at the same time wanting to run away from him.
Did I do something wrong to him in past lives?
By the way, we haven't seen each other for years, but still can't get him out of my mind. I know people say I'm wasting time, but I'm moving on, I control my thoughts, and it almost succeeded..
