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Hello again! Sorry for taking this long to come back. It seems like every time I talk about personal stuff I freak out and get so ashamed of myself that it takes time to come back. Thank you for listening and responding!
I agree about my alcoholism. I am trying to get better. There is a lot of alcoholism in my family but that is no excuse. Blocking out the harsh reality is what I am mostly trying to do I guess. I have tried to get sober for a long time and even went to AA. I am slowly trying to live better life in general. It's hard though.
I read about empaths and also freaked out a little. Mabe I got something like that going on. I hate admitting this but I am sensitive. My body is sensitive and so is my mind. I wouldn't call it a weakness but definitely I constantly get tired because of it. I am also face blind and can't read expressions. Still I somehow I know what is going on. My mother has said that maybe I got some extra senses because I lack some basic stuff. It was hard to for me to learn social skills. I saw auras too when I was younger and I really thought I had lost it. I didn't even know what I saw. It would be handy nowadays too. I could just look at peoples auras if I don't recognice the face.
The wounded healer thing hit home too. Broken people can't maybe be totally fixed but maybe we can do something that others find more difficult. I have gotten most help from people who have gone through a lot.
I have tried to open up more too. Things are getting odd this moment. I keep seeing things and black figures again. My sister heard horrible growling on the phone when she called me. It scared her. I feel something near me and I have experienced lucid dreaming again. Last night it felt like I drifted in and out of sleep all the time. I could see disturbing creatures around me. The were looking at me, trying to get to me but they can't. I am not afraid and I can keep them out. Nothing touches me or anybody else in my home without my permission.
Then somebody just floated in, a person who felt good and strong. The creatures went away. They were afraid of him. I talked to him for a long time. I was asleep at that point but fully aware of being asleep. He said that I am not alone. There is help available. I had fun. It was like meeting an old friend. When I woke up I saw a forest growing outside. It almost covered my window. There is no forest actually. It started to shrink. It was like big trees shrinking back into seeds in seconds. That was funny. I almost always ended up in this forest when I used to try kind of shamanic journeying. This might just be my mind playing tricks but it's ok. It made me feel better and I can't feel anything nasty around me anymore. That is what always happened after I "visited" this forest before. It purified me like this every time.
I might be loosing it but if it's a mental illness it's very interesting that I can just close the door again and it stops. I think I need to know how deep this rabbit hole is. Nobody can run forever. I have been told to stop running. When I was in this forest. Imaginary of not I always get good advice. Back then I didn't really understand. I always understood these things fully much later.
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