Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Belle
I feel a bit indulgent with this - but nearly 2 years on - and I still grieve my dad. It wasn't that we had the closest relationships, it was one that was complicated but I'm filled with happy memories (rose-tinted glasses perhaps as i forget the difficult times  ), but a phone call at the weekend with people who had known him who were talking about him and I found myself filling up.
Yes, I get on with my life, yes - it was better for him to have passed, he was old and infirm and had dementia. He had had it for 3 years and been frail before that - so I sort of "lost him" many years ago - 5 or 6 years.
I simply don't understand why it is so very very raw still, how tears can so easily be triggered. Yes, I accept it for what it is, no - I am not hard on myself for feeling this way as it is what it is. I don't know if the wrench is because it's a human condition of grief, or if he's trying to reach me and I can't hear him.
I wish I would move on - not just for my sake but for those I come in contact with as mostly I've avoided awkwardness when the tear trickles down. It's not that I want to stop missing dad, but I want to stop the emotional reaction, or manage it bettter. |
Belle, dear, I remember you and I sharing posts about the loss of our Dads and some of the similar factors they had (dementia) and our relationship to them (not always the greatest)
I am so sorry, dear Belle. I don't have too much to say about why it is still so raw for you.
Hmmm ... does anything in you feel "stuck" about your relationship with your Dad? I'm groping for words here; forgive me - does anything inside feel like it wants to be expressed: words not spoken that want to be given voice; repressed memories that are painful that want to be raised and healed; a feeling of anger at him that never got expressed?
I do not to mean to bombard you with questions but one more thing - is there a thought you have around how long a person "should" feel raw or emotionally reactive for after the loss of a loved one?
A few years ago I read literature about "prolonged grief" - there were articles that talked about how interviewed folks said they felt "rushed" in their grieving, and resented being told that grief "should" take x to x weeks. (as if we were a computer that processes one of the most deepest human experiences in a methodical task execution and be done with it.) Grief is a very personal matter; it is complex and moves thru each person in a different way. The fact that you and your Dad had some times of distance in your relationship could complicate things more too.
I wonder about if he's trying to reach you. I don't have a lot of experience with loved ones reaching me from the Spirit world. I've had a few good dreams of my dad; you know, one of those powerful life-like dreams, and I always felt really happy, like we had a good exchange. I'm wondering how him trying to contact you could bring you raw tears? Because he's just out of reach?
Anyhoo, sorry for all the questions. Know you are not alone - never, ever. We are here for you, your guides and angels and ancestors are here for you - and so is your Dad, as his pure spirit self cleansed of human ego. Please be gentle and patient with yourself, dear. Commune with your inner knowing and surround yourself with the love waiting for you!