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Originally Posted by BJAsapace
As much as I'd like to live in the now, and sometimes I do, I still find it hard to ignore the voices listening. It's them always hearing me that bugs me the most, it's mentally exhausting and f*cks up my energy and even feel it in my chakras. I been trying to accept myself but with the judgement from these voices it makes it hard to do so. Do you understand that? The fact I hear these voices criticising me is what really brings me down and I feel what the think of me, even at distances. They get mad at me for something I don't know how to control. It's honestly really embarrassing, you have no idea. How would you feel if people knew stuff about you that you don't want them to know? I feel naked and exposed and have no privacy whatsoever. Honestly, f*CK spirituality. I may have a pessimistic outlook on life but at least I'm honest with myself. You tell me to know myself better, well I do, especially after becoming so conscious of personal sh*t, I wish I wasn't. Like I said, I wanna be plugged back into the matrix. I never had mental health issues until 2012 and that's when I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening due to reoccuring trauma. You get what I'm saying?
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I've lived with this pretty much my whole life and I still am. It's just as hard when the voices are telling you how unworthy you are, and holding onto any semblance of self esteem is a struggle. Bottom line is that under those circumstances often Spirituality adds to the confusion because...... Because often beliefs are just another area of doubt and a reason for something inside to tell you that if you need beliefs then you don't know or there's something wrong with you..