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Thank you Calla.
I just want to say to Believe, that I’m not a shallow or superficial person. Even on the forums, if I try to help someone...amd I don’t have the answers I need or want to give...I will look for them.
I read an article today, after I replied to your question.
I think it was pretty well written, so I want to share it with you.
How to trust others when you have to trust yourself first.
It starts with our parents, invalidating our feelings and thoughts as young kids.
Example: My teacher was mean today
Parent: Then you need to behave better
Example: Johnny threw a drink at me
Parent: What did you do to him to deserve it
And the examples go on and on
Then it goes into things such as, how we make promises to ourselves...I’m going to eat healthier, drink less alcohol, exercise, sleep more, join church or hobbies, ect.....that we never follow through with.
You have to set boundaries with yourself first, treat yourself right, and follow through with what you promise....even to yourself. Because you have to trust yourself first.
Then we don’t listen to our feelings, and signs when they are right in front of ya.
Example: I knew Suzy was a gossip, but I never thought she’d talk about me
Example: I knew Larry was an alcoholic, but I thought that would change once we were together
Example: I knew Jimmy was a player, but I thought what we had was special
Example: I knew Alice had a lot of issues with other people, but I thought we were friends.
All of these, when we make excuses for others, and look passed the obvious, and then are hurt when we don’t listen to ourselves.
It’s neverngood to jump into any relationship with anyone, without taking the time to get to know them...and gradually trusting them
Relationships end as fast as they start, most of the time.
The last paragraph goes with the first two, trust yourself first. Validate yourself, listen to yourself, take care of yourself, first....then you can start to trust others, after you get to know them and their character. You don’t have to trust anybody that you don’t get good vibes from, amd it’s better to step away sooner...than later if you don’t like drama.
Some people like the drama, and help others create it...but if you are the target most of the time, then you probably aren’t one who can handle being the victim when you don’t reciprocate or wallow that kind of behavior with others. Better to walk away, right away...or keep your distance.
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