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Originally Posted by Gem
How very interesting. I was unaffected by affirmation because i know the only reason I would say something like 'I love and approve of myself' was a response to my actual self hatred. In that case I already knew the truth of the situation was self hatred and 'love myself' wasn't really the case at all. I guess this was a more nuanced inquiry based on what is true of myself. I later stumbles on the EFT method of affirmation which sounded more like, 'even though I feel hatred toward myself, I accept that about myself'. Then I started to notice, other people had their own negative self impressions and they were perfectly acceptable to me... and really, I'm not different, and it is perfectly OK to have negative self impressions. Somehow through the backdoor, it being perfectly OK to feel self hatred, is in itself self love... weird huh?
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I like the EFT method actually. I have used it too. No I see how the bigger picture works now so it isn't weird to me..
I think the time frame of self affirming as I did, was an important walk through some deeper self sabotaging aspects of fear. Fear is tricky in that you will avoid yourself when the "fear of death" space is still locked in, so every layer is affected with regards to yourself on every level of yourself and that is pretty much the story of my life and process. So in this time frame of using affirmations I see it more as a point of not entering into the fullness of my own self hatred and self loathing, self denial, self sabotaging direct nature, because ultimately I would have run a mile from myself had I did. The weaving into that space came with a more supportive approach and it worked to Build me up (fill the love tank) first so I didn't crash to hard in the face of myself..weird huh?
In the ongoing process I had to face all of myself eventually, so there was not avoiding it all, but the process itself was more I choose the way into myself as to not avoid myself long term. I was the biggest self sabotaging strategist you could meet. Mostly to avoid facing my biggest fears and coming face to face with myself.
I can look back at all that with a smile all the same.