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Originally Posted by Kristi
Anyone who’s seen my posts or has read my MySpace topic, is probably aware that I am not fond of the tasks given to me in this current lifetime. Some might also be aware that I have very little respect for my guides, especially with their constant interference in my daily life.
My path is an incredibly hard one in this lifetime. It requires an immense amount of suffering, including cutting myself off from others, letting go of all my possessions, a move to a city I hate, and a diet that leaves me feeling at 50% power. All for the ‘chance’ to ascend and gain true happiness.
For a long time I fought it tooth and nail. Eventually I started to cave however as I realized my life was going nowhere otherwise, and was on the verge of actively following it, curious of the results.
But then shortly after making it clear I was going to finally give my soul’s path a go, my guides revealed to me an element of my path that turned my blood to ice. One of the final requirements is to have a baby with my lover, and then run off with it to the city I hate, depriving it of its father, to follow the path as normal, without bothering to take care of the child myself. I rebelled, outraged that something so heinous would be required on this ascension path, and my guides, in cahoots with my lover’s guides, in their ever ‘loving’ selves, convince and manipulate my soul and his soul into having a mentally disabled baby, instead of the normal healthy one we originally had planned, their goal being to try and sabotage the relationship between me and my lover since I refused to follow a soul path that involves the intentional neglect and suffering of a child.
They have told me outright they hope he and I split up, because they don’t think we are good for each other. I don’t see how since the relationship is loving and respectful. They’ve also threatened if I get my tubes tied after this baby, that they’ll heal them so I can conceive again. And have made it clear any other babies will be mentally disabled.
I feel so sick, my body doesn’t even feel like my own anymore, like whatever sovereignty I have over it, means nothing to them. They interfere in my life consistently, sending me nightmares and making my waking hours a living hell.
I am at my wits end, really getting desperate now and have more than once thought of ending my life just so I can escape this nightmare. God, every day I pray they are just demons or entities that are attached to me right now but the fact is, I know they are my actual guides, I saw them when I first awakened, and their appearances have not changed.
-sigh- I suppose I should get to the heart of this matter. I don’t think my guides are right for me. I want to void this contract between my soul and them. Ostensibly they mean well, but they are far too intrusive and severely hampering my progress, they’re very ‘all or nothing’.
Any ideas would help. I am in so much pain and stress right now.
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