Hello!!

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. One can become frustrated from the practice and then become frustrated because they are frustrated! It can become quite a cycle!

So many things are circular. So many cycles. The planet is whirling around and around, the galaxy, the moon. Sometimes our actions can reflect this. We may become angry and then become angry because we are angry. Or we may become sad, and then sad because we are sad. Around and around it goes!

Really, that is the first thing to let go of. The cycles. Maybe we can just accept that a thing is. If we become angry, it does not further to become angry about it, because it has already happened. We need not give any more energy to it. If someone says, "Oh, you are angry, what a terrible person you are.", don't feel badly about yourself. It has happened, and if you have allowed it to, it has also passed away, like a spark cast from the fire at night, which burns brilliantly for just a moment.

A great poet said, "This being human is a guest house."

We are always receiving visitors - anger, happiness, sorrow. We should treat them all as guests in our house, for we can not know what gifts they may bring. Sometimes the thing that harms us the most also brings us the most benefit. So ideally, if we can learn to think that everything serves to further, then although we may suffer, we need not allow it to consume us.

So, perhaps when you sit down to meditate, try considering that there may be some benefit from that action of sitting down to meditate, even if you did not experience what you were hoping to.

Try having the intent to, in every moment, become more loving. It is so simple. Then, after a time, you will find all things more easy to accept, because by having this intent in every moment, you are no longer a changing thing. Instead, you become change itself. If your focus is on love and you are change, there is nothing that will not serve to further.

So, I know I have said a great deal that probably sounds a lot like nothing. I will try to be more specific.

When you meditate, simply observe yourself. Which areas are tense? Is your breathing in your chest or in your stomach? Does it want to rise up to the chest? Do you feel tightness in different areas of the body when you try to relax? These are good places to begin letting go. Think of the tension as a closed fist, and simply open it, as you would your hand. It is no different. Just let go of all the tension. You will know when you are successful because the area will feel very nice and relaxed!

Let the belly be very loose. That is the most important, and often the most difficult to truly relax. Many people think they have got it and then a week later discover a whole new area of the belly which was tight. Some relax the top of the belly and forget about the bottom, then focus on the bottom and forget about the top!

Let things go in the body, as deeply as possible. The chest is also very important. We hold a lot of tension in the chest. Let it relax. There may be a sensation of drowning if you are really successful in relaxing it deeply. Many experience it. Let that go. That is you clinging to the tension. When you let it go, you will notice a profound difference.

I am speaking a lot about tension. The negative energy is held within the tense area. When you release the tension, you release the negative energy. Then new energy can flow in and through. This is a process of purification.

So that deals with the body. There is a lot to work on in the body. A lot to learn.

But also consider the brain. It is the most complex muscle. Even just the smallest thought causes some tension in the brain. So it is best to have a simple approach. Just relax the brain. Observe it for a while, not as the thoughts and images, but as a muscle.

Observe how it feels as a muscle, rather than as a series of thoughts and feelings. Just focus on the physical tissue. Let that relax. Feel it as a muscle, relaxing. This is possible. Let the muscle relax. There will be a sensation of expansion. This is like a fist unclenching. As soon as you think about that, it will tighten up again! So just be very focused on relaxing the muscle. This is not really very much thought, because relaxation of muscles is something the brain is so well practiced at. You don't have to think very hard to open your hand! It is the same with this. So with the brain, you only need to start thinking of it as a muscle, and then you can allow that efficient part of the brain to do the work of relaxing it with minimal thought.

Things will come up. Old emotions. You may begin dreaming about past events which you never got over. Perhaps in the dream, however, you will resolve the situation. Forgive this person or that person, or forgive yourself. Sometimes emotions will come up strongly, and you may experience them as such. You might wonder where it came from. Just let it be. It is happening for a moment, and then it will pass away, like the sparks. Just let it pass away. Don't cling to it by becoming involved in it. So when you become angry because you are angry, you are clinging to the anger rather than letting go. If you cling to it, you feed it, and then it may consume you!

So let go of the negative energy. As you do this, more energy will move through you, because you are not clenching so tightly with your mind and body. The more energy that moves through you, the more purification will take place. Let there be a stream moving through you, cleaning the dirt off of stones that fall in and smoothing out the rough edges of those that are already within it.

Well, I certainly hope that in all of this, somewhere, you will find something useful! There certainly is a lot to sift through! Good luck!

I hope that your meditations can be more pleasant and I hope that you can find some peace!

Namaste