First, I must say, please, please, please if you are thinking of harming yourself, seek professional help. As someone with a mental disorder (I don't like to call them illnesses), I can tell you that life is worth living, even if there is some pain and suffering. But, you can learn to overcome the suffering if you seek professional help and spiritual help as well. God wants you to live. Part of reincarnation is that you try your best in EVERY lifetime to do your best to become one with the light/God or perfect. (Not perfect in the negative sense.) Not to escape. That's what I believe about reincarnation. God loves you. He wants you to be happy here on Earth, or whatever you like to call this reality. And he will help you to be happy, because he wants that for all of us. He wants there to be heaven on earth, I believe. But, please, if you are not already, I suggest seeking professional help first. And praying if you believe in it. Even if you don't. I've heard that even if you don't think you know how to pray or you don't believe in what you are praying for, God still hears you. Good luck, Phrozen. Blessings to you, and my thoughts are with you.