Originally Posted by SerendipityLizard

Sometimes I’m not convinced I am. I feel like I’m taking too much space to ask for help here, but my guides said that any spirit I’ll be a medium of won’t answer any questions until I ask help for myself — so . . . I guess there’s not much else I can do.

Let’s get to the point. I just found out from AA Michael that before I awakened, much of my own childhood traumas were created from interacting with high powered negative entities without knowing — tricked me as a kid in believing they were my imaginary friends. They’ve left me now, but I’m still affected by them. Haha, I’m a lot better these days . . . but sometimes I relapse, and this is one of those days.

Sorry, I’m not exactly sure what to say. I dislike long repetitve posts and think every word has to be essential, but I guess what I wanted to say . . . is that sometimes because of that I still think I’m some kind of monster. That I haven’t tried enough to improve. That all this progress is made from luck, the people or the entities who’d help me.

Haha, I know a lot of the people I’ve helped are grateful to me — here, real life, and other forums, but really — I rather not hear anything good about me. It feels like I’m a fraud. A liar. A cheat.

Sigh. I can’t get these words out of my head sometimes. Can’t even pick myself up and move on. I have all the spiritual resources to gain a lot of healing energies, and I’m sure my body can take the higher vibrations these have now from experience.

But I’m suffering because I’m consciously rejecting them. My body’s aching and tightening because I’m fighting over their influence. I chose otherwise from my own free will.

I’m nothing great. Just someone who’s trying to get through life, and hoping I disappear into silence.