lilith yikes!
You poor thing. Im going to try and keep it as straight as you've written, please pardon that it migh sound bossy. But your situation sucks and a solution is needed. Here is thoughts on it:
So much anger and frustration, so much loneliness.
I guess first of all - never mind your 'great life'. (But it was relevant to emphasize it, I get it, cause otherwise we'd all chime in for you to manifest, right?
)
But it does not help you to shame yourself for not being happy, so don't fret on it as 'good' or 'perfect'. You are miserable. You hide behind anger, and I guess contempt, that's understandable, but you are actually trapped, held captive in a sense, and that is a very violating situation. Not 'perfect'.
Second, you are so bored that you actually just want life to be over. That means that you are clinically depressed. Sorry to say so, but you actually have to go see a doctor. Spiritual or not, there are chemicals that get stuck in us. Especially in those of us with a history of addiction. No excuses. Your human body is a frail and flawed thing - and it needs medical attention, your an adult, deal with it.
Third, what is missing (part from probably a serotonin boost, to get you up in the saddle again) is your child spirit.
Behind all this fantastic life that you've created, there is a bad-but-over-it- childhood, (that I can actually identify with more than you know. You're whole lifestory - 'cept the part of wealth and perfect material life.)
But the child spirit ('inner child' makes even me feel like barfing, so I'll spare you) seems completely lost in you?
While dealing with your issues, did you reconnect with memories of actually being a naive, curious and trusting child?
If so, when did you lose touch again?
If not,
that is work you can actually do. Do it.
What it does, the child spirit - in case you need to be reminded - is make you see Earth as magical!
Earth is
physical! I mean, we can have runny noses! :) We have wrinkles on our hands! It is not all stardust and light, it can crash and burn and tickle and sting!
I'm not talking about numbing the spirit with physical over-indulgement etc. Quite the opposite. Becoming more present by using our senses. And in the process healing ourselves.
What do you have around you, rain? A stone in your shoe? A draft from an open window? Things like that.
And even though you don't like meditating in the forrest, go somewhere where there are trees or grass and water. And maybe just a bit quiet. Houses and electricity are more draining than people. You might feel restless, but at least you see life! And you're just bored any way, so you might as well watch the grass grow. Put your hands in it while you're at it. Then you can spend an hour getting them clean too :)
Hey, If you want a real challenge - go live off grid
(Maybe you've already done that, then return to my third suggestion, go look for your child spirit, she's sitting in a tree somewhere laughing, legs dangling, thinking your crazy and silly, waiting).
My five cents.