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Originally Posted by Lorelyen
Yes. Incompatibility.
We all have our ways and I suppose as we grow they tend to fix as do our hopes of people. Just natural really. We rest on an increasing backlog of experience that firms up what we hope to get from life. When it comes to partnering we have to be particular if we're looking to the longer term. I've noticed it myself (and it probably shows here) that one tends to the dismissive if someone doesn't seem to fit in the first few dates.
Life is too short to wait around hoping others change to suit you. Best to go for someone who reveals themselves more compatible at the outset.
Even so, when meeting a prospect we have to ask ourselves what we can bring to their lives as well as wondering what they can bring to ours. That's difficult on just a couple of dates.
Have you asked these questions?
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As for "Well, let's just say that in that pub I saw him for what he really is in many different ways, and so to me we're done",
you had an impression but I don't know if it's productive to measure someone in just one situation. However, it sounds like you've made up your mind, so there it goes!
Good luck!  |
I have dated many guys in the past where I would see red flags but because it was only the first or second date, I would continue dating them and giving them opportunities, just to realise further down the road that I was right the first time.
I am a very intuitive person and ultimately is not even about how they are and do, but about how I feel. The right person needs to be a match as in being in the same wavelenght as me.
Sometimes yes it is productive to measure someone in just one situation, because the way you react and treat others, especially when you are getting pis***, says a lot of who you are.
Yesterday when he talked like that to the girl at the pub it made me feel bad and he showed a total lack of empathy to her, he was rude and only concerned that she would smile to make him feel good.
He wasn’t trying to light up her day, he wanted a smile from her to make him feel good, which is a total different story. And he was pretty rude in the way he talked to her. And of course no, she didn’t smile and I could tell by her face that she wanted to tell him to f*** off basically.
Because no, no one needs to give a fake smile to make someone else feel good.
But, I guess that’s what dating is all about. You go on dates to see if you are compatible and there’s something in there. You are right, I don’t want to be with anyone to change them, I want to be with someone where together we are happy.