It seems to be a very common theme in Spirituality, people become so 'Spiritually advanced' that they leave themselves behind - or at least try to. I can't help wonder if people become Spiritual because they don't like themselves, in your case to run away from your anxiety and your 'negative thinking'. Another thing that often happens is that people try to come up with Spiritual answers and fixes for psychological or emotional issues, only to find that they're running away again and not actually fixing anything. All that means is that few actually get to the real root of the problem and never find anything close to a solution. I guess so many people use the word 'Awakening' without really understanding what they're awakening to.


In this case it's probably worth going back to your reasons for being Spiritual in the first place, what does being Spiritual mean to you personally? And no, I don't want the stock answer I want to know what you personally get out of it. If you don't like yourself having anxiety and 'negative thoughts' and being Spiritual means you can be free of any identifications, all it means is that you're running away from yourself instead of coming to terms with who and what you are. You see, what could be happening here is that your self-esteem is lowered because of how you perceive your anxiety and 'negative' thoughts and how you feel about yourself, while meditating yourself free of identification makes you feel like somebody. That's called cognitive dissonance and it'll only add to your anxiety.



Spirituality in your case doesn't seem to be fixing anything, it's probably exacerbating it if anything because you like yourself when you're being an ideology and you hate yourself when you're being you. While we're here, you can't let go of your ego - that in itself is egoic. What you can let go of is your misconceptions and all you're trying to do is run away from another part of yourself that you're not willing to deal with because it doesn't suit your ideological vision of yourself.