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Originally Posted by youngje847
Thanks for these words. I resonated with a few things you said. I think I am struggling to see where the fear is stemming from. I don't know that I am necessarily petrified of suffering or dying. I think part of it comes from feeling like it will be out of my control. Not having control of a situation is probably a big part of the fear and also worrying about my young kids if I am gone or sick.
I have been listening to deepak chopra audio books and he something similar to you that if I am too focused on the fear of a symptom I won't be able to listen to what my body is trying to tell me. This made sense to me and feels like the universe is really trying to get this message to me. I think I am just not understanding it on the deeper level of accepting it completely. I have lived so long this way how do I start listening to my body. I know I am very sensitive to feelings in my body or changes and I always notice them but usually I jump to fear and try to rationalize them away as normal or as long as its not deadly I can continue with the discomfort or issue. I do not think I have really connected my body mind and spirit to truly realize that my body is intelligent and connected to me and will tell me what I need.
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Fear is about not having control whatever it links too. I relate to your words about your children. Letting my fear of death be released and not be confined by it in the many ways it played out, I do recall having that same thought about my son. He has been a good reflection in letting go of fears I was holding him too in myself. I think taking care of children especially if dependent on you, can create different degrees and areas of fear pertaining to that dependence. I knew that many people didn’t understand my son, so that thought process was no one could take care of him but the one who truly understood him. There you see that created the need to control my absence however it might arise.
Listening to your body, mind deeper can unfold a whole host of interconnected ways we control. Self saboutage is often one aspect amongst the layers. The mind can take over when you can’t let feelings go deeper to observe their binds. That shift takes you out if your being centre where everything is noticed, everything can be felt and released. It seems your avoiding letting go deeper, because you have found a way to keep this fear alive, rather than face it. These are often pacts we make as children, never to enter into something that was to difficult in our childhood.
Just some thoughts floating by...you may not relate.