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Originally Posted by rainbow.sprinkles
as far as your own self-work goes, especially when it's something entrenched in your behaviour in relationships... my personal opinion is that you shouldn't be in a relationship until you've worked that out on your own. my friend's partner has SO many issues that affect their relationship and I feel he was not remotely ready to enter into a serious relationship with anybody until he had spent a lot more time working on himself on his own.
I had very similar issues to yours and after my last relationship, which was the latest in an ongoing string of bad relationship after bad relationship, never taking any amount of time to be single in between, I finally realized that I needed to be on my own for a while. I committed to staying single for at least a year, during which time I focused 100% on myself. a year and a few months later, I met my partner, and for the first time in my life I'm in a healthy, functional, positive, conflict-free relationship, and it is the best thing I've ever experienced. I truly believe I needed to take that time to prove to myself that I could be alone and didn't need to be in ****** relationships, in order for me to raise my own vibrations enough to attract someone who is actually a good, gentle, loving, non-abusive person to me.
it may or may not be something that would be helpful for you, but it certainly was life changing for me.
regardless of the labels you're putting on this connection, the most important thing is how you're being treated, and how you're treating that person. I hope you'll choose to focus on that and make a healthy choice.
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I have been on my own for a very long time working on my issues.
I wasn't aware of THIS particular issue until now in my relationship with him. And both are willing to work on ourselves and grow together.
I understand what you're saying and agree to an extent. There are things you can only grow and evolve while in a relationship with someone else.