[shivatar]

Let me just say again in different words. You are a magnificent person.

Things seem chaotic right now, I understand that, they most definitely are. The light seems forced on you and you are not happy about your position. I understand that as well.

As you progress along the path you will eventually have the power, the possibility, of enacting all of the vows you've made. This means that every aspect of who you are will be a part of your journey, when you have the power to crush the world the Satan part of you will awaken and challenge you again. The God inside of you will rise up against that part of you. Your mysterious self will be experiencing the whole thing and having a blast. The more caught up you get in identifying with I am this good side or that bad side or the human side or any other side, the less able we are to have a blast and really enjoy the experience as a whole. Our mysterious self is beyond good and evil, it is a part of God and as infinite and mysterious as God.

By the time you make it to that level you will be experiencing a new aspect of yourself that can easily be called your hero self. I think you feel it now but more in its wounded state and not in the warrior state. When you get to the righteous hero phase of your experience you will be experiencing a life you only dreamed possible. That kind of life is mere years away, and once experienced is basically the default state of consciousness for the rest of our life.

Long story short, good things are coming friend. I hope to see you around.