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Per
I resonated with your post so very much. I remember a time in my past where I had the same thoughts and feelings.And here is what I did to learn about God-to have a relationship with God.
Google this: Bible Study Fellowship
This is where I began my journey to find god.
It is a Bible Study that is non-denomination-meaning-just that-we do not discuss our personal religions-but we study the Bible.
It is an international Bible Study. Please know this is not an occult.
2 more things for you to consider
1.. God will find you in your journey to find Him
2. read Jerimiah 29 verse 11..............this is where my journey began.
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