[Rayden_Greywolf]

So I recently had a life-changing spiritual experience in which I was able to speak with my spirit guide via my friend who channeled them while under hypnosis. The things they said were just too relevant to me for me to believe it was anything but my actual spirit guide (and believe me, I'm normally a very skeptical person).

We spoke of many things, but above all, my guide seemed very intent on telling me that I needed to love myself more. This confused me, as I thought I had a fairly normal self esteem. But at the same time, I know that I have a fear of responsibility and of wanting to live in this world, so maybe there is some sort of self-hatred causing that?

I thought a lot about it, and I think now that maybe my guide was right. I was hoping maybe you guys might be able to follow my train of thought and tell me what you think:

So I don't want to love myself. I want...well, feel I NEED someone else to do it. But human love isn't satisfying enough to me. I feel I need something beyond that. Something supernatural. I crave the love from my spirit guide and God, because that love is unconditional. Unlike my parents' love, which was very conditional at times. I crave all this love, but not from myself. I would rather die than truly love myself, and I don't really know why. This need for self-destruction seems to go even beyond my craving for love. I want to destroy myself even on a soul-level. I would rather not exist than love myself and live my life.

Any thoughts on this would be very much appreciated. I think I'm on the cusp of figuring things out and healing some very deep wounds.