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Of course no one knows for sure but I believe in an unconditional God and as such I see no reason a person who suicides would be condemned. I don't think the healing process is necessarily easy, I suspect there may be some regret, but being human is hard and it isn't held against us is my opinion. This said, I do implore you to seek out some counseling. I have struggled with feeling suicidal myself and though it seemed to come from no where I did eventually trace it back to some early learning. Sometimes when we are raised in a fairly stable what would be considered a normal home it can be hard to see where it all comes from but those of us born with stronger than average emotions can have a tendency to internalize them which can play a number on our mood. Depending on the messages we got growing up all sorts of misguided ideas can be adopted by a child so I urge you to try and not see your situation as hopeless because of some label. Labels in and of themselves can be a big part of the problem so try to consider that you may simply have a bigger challenge than some because of a stronger preponderance to the emotional side of life. In a lot of ways it can be a blessing but finding your worth and the value of being human is imperative for you to live our full potential. You have much more to give than you realize but you have to keep living to see it all play out. Stay strong. Recovery is possible.
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