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Old 24-07-2017, 02:28 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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The total, gut wrenching pain of Bhakti...

To BE or not to BE, that is the question.

To BE means that Shiva is a lie and not to BE means He is the Truth.

Can I give up every ounce of this love I feel? smash my heart to smithereens for the sake of Moksha? Can I be that self-serving? I'd rather commit suicide!

Can I ever go from full Samprajnata Samadhi and fulfill my soul's destiny if it means I have to destroy the very thing I have ever felt such a deep, beautiful love for to get there?

I have been in a mess of tears all day...Shiva exists! Not ONLY in my heart, but outside it, beyond it and everywhere! and I can see that! I can feel that! I know that! It is what keeps me alive and what keeps me going.

He is all and everything, not only who I am, but everything I am not and now I have to drop all that? Go beyond the heart and third eye to break a knot named in His honour? cannot do...CANNOT DO! *cries my heart out*

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...0&postcount=22

I live for Shiva! I exist for Shiva! he is my breath, each beat of my heart and I am praying for Him to help me through this, but that is just reinforcing the illusion...tightening the knot that chokes me from the forehead up.

I can only keep crying and crying now until it is over, saying Aum Namah Shivaya and not Shivoham.

Aum Namah Shivaya
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