[crunchydorito]

Thank you for your advice. It is true grounding resonates. Anyone would help with a good source on how to ground? I am self prescribing adhd meds as well as Benzodiazepines. Ive stood up to my mom, 26 years of Gaslighting. I was sent to jail and now i have misdemeanor charges. Ive held 32 full time jobs in 3 industries all entry level. I am unable to keep employment because of adhd and recently since the arrest i may have ptsd because of what happend with mom. I had no clue all this was going on. I am in despair. My city charges 160$ for one psychiatric session. I get Vyvanse from MX at 56 bucks for. 28 day supply. I am currently crossing the border into MX every day as I am unable to stay with mom as she also filed a protective order, which is absurd because i am not violent or aggressive.

I am very tired I really want to leave leave. I feel everything and everyone just like you have mentioned below exactly thats how people react and the description you gave is accurate.

Im very afraid as I keep sending out bad vibes all the time and people arr reacting. My anxiety kicks in the ptsd kicks in and i end up self sabotaging as i blame myslef every time someone senses me or the bad vibes i sent like i blame myself and people pick that up and i end up taking it in.

I am looking for employment not so much to eat or to cross the border now its for meds. I cannot take this anymore. No friends or anyone to talk to about this because no one believes what you guys understand.

What can I do?? I am also very afraid of cops and the courts and the royals the sociopaths and doctors i always think they will attack me because I think im important somehow and believe that since i am helping this world with my energy they won’t like this and will do something to me to retaliate.

I am in great despair. Ive prayed this go away. Ive talked to the universe so this be taken away, ive meditated and have asked to end my contract or whatever i got going on here and things get worse! My abilities keep going up. Now an Octarine shift?? From indigo to Octarine??

Whoever gave me this.... how em I suppose to do all this and expect me to survive ***? Shouldn’t we get divne help as well?? It does sound bad but how is this possible all at once? I cant take this. I am sitting inside my car with no gas in a park close to where i used to live from early morning sometimes all afternoon and evening untill 10 or 11 pm and i sneak inside to steal food and sometimes i spend the night right with my dear mother who i suspect is a sociopath.

I cant catch a break... no relationship at all. I have been a mess since i was born. I am really stuck here.
We are supposed to step away from toxic places toxic environments and yet the universe sends us fked up people toxic people to HELP??? ***??? Like ***?!

For free?? What is this?? Was i a bad person in a other lifetime and now i am paying for all this by playing Jesus here? I just dont understand at all. What do I do? I got no brothers and no sisters. My mother decided due to high pride that she would do the mother work without a man like she thought she could but she didn’t do great job i mean she was my biggest bulley in my life! What can i do? My mother would leave me in parks so she could work. Or with aunts and uncles. Where i was raped by a cousin at 10 and molested by an aunt. A few other hands by second cousins. Used and abused since a lil kid and im being used by the universe? ***??!

Why? Why is this going on. Should i really believe that i heard the call??

This is very outrageous. Yall should see my instagram i keep seeing 11:11 12:12 for the past fxking 4 years now! Pay attention to your thoughts, you will receive abundance, the universe is reaching out to you bla bla bla 4 years! Ive done exactly everything and i am worse now that I followed “my heart “ than I was when I didn’t care about any of this. I really dont care to help i dont want to be part of this anymore. What do i do? Just leave? And when i do take meds to find relief i feel so bad so guilty that i am not available to the universe or to god or whatever and i end up beating myself up psychologically I stop and do it all over again.