Originally Posted by mikkimanyhawks

i'm new here, so i'm sorry if i make any mistakes or something. i can't believe i haven't posted on a forum like this before, i just can't deal with this anymore. i believe i was Native American in a past life, and it's been a huge part of my life for about 3-4 years now (i'm 17). i actually am part Cherokee by blood, but i've always thought i was Lakota in one or more of my past lives, and a psychic i went to said that she picked up on that before i even said anything about it. for most of those years i've been thinking of myself as Indian, and i've been constantly worried that because i'm only 1/16 Cherokee and not technically Lakota that i'm not really Indian. which really hurts me, because it's probably the most prominent part of my identity. i know you can't tell me who i am, but i really need to hear someone's opinion on this. i'm very scared i will never be considered an Indian person, that i might never be a part of any community, and (don't know what you'll think of this) that i will never find someone who is my soul mate, who i always think of as being an Indian man. i want these things more than anything in my life. i know i'm being dramatic, but i hope people here will believe me. i'm also transgender, i guess, i think of myself as a pretty fluid person when it comes to gender, but i am more of a masculine person (i am technically female). i don't mind if people call me 'she', but i'm very uncomfortable with the idea of being a 'woman' for some reason, and i do NOT like the idea of being considered female in a romantic/sexual relationship. i know i am weird :) and i kind of consider myself Two-Spirit. i've also had MANY interesting experiences with Red-Tailed Hawks and Turkey Vultures, and from what i have read about their symbolism they seem to fit perfectly with what's important to me and the way my life is, and the way i would like it to be... :) i will elaborate on this later if anyone is curious. also i don't have any specific memories from any of my past lives, except there is a man who's face i've pictured ever since i was about 8 who is Indian (i call him Yelloh, because in a book i read there was a character named that, and i pictured the character as him very clearly). i definitely have a feeling about what he's like as a person, too. but many things to do with American Indians in general ...make me react very strongly. i feel longing that's actually painful a lot of the time, especially when i see Indian PEOPLE, especially Lakota men. that's why i am so worried that i am not Indian in THIS life, because it is definitely like a need. i think might want to be pretty much the same person i was in one of my past lives, which would make sense because i am crazy stubborn :)

i'm sorry if this is confusing, i'm just freaking out right now because i've reached the point where i need real help with this, and i'm taking it out on other people that they can't help me, and i'm sick of it. i keep thinking 'i know who i really am in my heart, so i should just accept it and hope other people do the same'. and i do truly believe it. but i keep getting scared about what people will think, especially Indian people...and it is a vicious cycle. i know it's time to break it, it can't go on much longer.

i will be more coherent in my next post i promise. ;) i respond better to specific questions!! lol