So just two days after the positive trash bags dream came a rather depressing one. I think I figured part of it out ....
I rent a flat and also a (hotel?) room somewhere. I pay a month or more in advance and after staying there a couple of weeks I’m told that I have to move out earlier. I argue with the owner of the hotel over some kind of barrier, who is a middle aged, unfriendly and ugly woman who wears a kind of uniform that is too tight for her. She looks and acts a bit like a police woman but she isn’t police. I say that I have already paid the rent but to no avail. I will not get any money back. I feel disappointed. At the same time I lose a job I had. My husband and I talk and calculate that I lost a lot of money this month.
My thoughts:
Renting a flat/hotel room - they are not mine. Describes my feelings living here, this is not my thing, my home, my place (I'm an expat, living in my husband's country). I invested a lot in this situation but now I feel rejected and unappreciated. Dream tells me I lost a lot of my feeling of self worth (money) in this situation.
The woman is especially interesting for me: she looks old fashioned, her clothing is unflattering and stiff, her hair is styled in an old fashioned way, she’s stuck in old values of authority and discipline, like a school headmaster from the 60s. I remember people like her from my childhood. (There’s a little bit resemblance to my grandmother as well.) They are used to giving orders and demand that others obey. There’s no discussion or flexibility, no middle ground, no compromise, only black and white thinking.
I was wondering: am I this woman? Is this how I handle my situation here in a country that after many years still does not feel like I belong here? Has my inflexible and unfriendly attitude contributed to my feelings of loss of self worth?
I appreciate your thoughts
