Bubbles, I agree very much with Marie here, in that there is forgiveness. I feel for your communication with Jesus and God, all you may need to focus on perhaps is simply the act of communicating and see how that goes. And there is nothing wrong I feel with taking it slow either, you may need not pray every night, but perhaps work your way up a little at a time.
Perhaps go easy on yourself a bit as well if you can, I mean with the constant apologizing to Jesus, and God. You only should really need to ask for forgiveness once.
Believe Bubbles, that you are forgiven.
And, concentrate indeed on slowly building that relationship back up if you wish.
There is no rush. Relax, and take it easy.
All my best.
