HI there Libra, I'm sorry you feel this way but I'm afraid I'm not about to give you any tea and sympathy because I don't think it's what you need. Right now I think you have to vent your spleen and get all of these feelings off your chest, express it all and that includes the guilt complex. What you're going through is natural. Do yourself one favour though, Honour the feelings you have in whatever shape or form they come in - including thinking it's not fair and what you think you should have done.

Don't bother trying to feel positive because all that does really is put a gloss on what you're really feeling, and it doesn't acknowledge what's really going on inside. It causes conflict when you feel bad and you're trying to tell yourself you shouldn't.

What you're going through right now is because of your capacity to feel Love, because the simple fact is that if you didn't feel anything for them - and I'm guessing you didn't really come to terms with losing your father - then you wouldn't be feeling this way. And yes, sometimes it does feel as though you're nailed to a cross that you can't get off but the depths to which you can feel the pain are the same depths to which your heart can Love. Just right now your Heart is full of loss and not much of what I'm going to say is going to help you in the short term because you have to go through whatever it is you're going through right now in your own way.

You see Libra, the depths to which we fall are the heights to which we can rise when we realise that we can take all that pain and hurt and make it work for us.

So, to answer something that's probably foremost on your mind. This is not the end, the end of Life on this plane of existence is not all there is. Just right now Joe is being looked after by... angels, Guides... whatever other word you want to use. I'm a medium, by the way. Putting into terms you'll understand better he's still a little 'raw' because sometimes as Spirit, we need a little time to adjust from one existence to the other. It's going to take him a little time to come to terms with his 'old Life' but he's with people that can help him. And no, I'm not saying that just to make you feel better. I know Life is eternal even though being in your shoes right now it might not feel like it.

I know from my own experience that whatever we are given is there for a reason, and that reason is not to tear you apart but to give you something that you're going to need in the future. Right now you have two choices, you can either succumb to your grief or you can use it to make yourself stronger and only you can make that choice. I also know from experience that our Loved Ones are always looking down on us, they know what we're going through. Just right now you're not ready to hear much more and you're not anywhere near ready for any kind of connection, if you did make any kind of connection it would only make matters worse.

As long as you can feel Joe in your heart of Hearts you're not that far away, because that Love will carry the both of you through. For the short term you have to deal with your grief in your own way and find your way through this but remember one thing because it's important. The sense of loss and whatever else you feel is a measure of your Love for him, and that's what's going to see you through this.