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You are absolutely right that the psychological/ thought side of you overrides any external source you may use. That is because the real power comes from our minds, those other things are just tools we use to get there. I don't believe the tools themselves hold much real power, maybe some energy, but the real power comes from our thoughts.
Unconditional love is necessary for us to build a world that is not going to destroy itself. I don't look at unconditional love as being a door mate though, or instantly trusting everyone. People have to earn trust, and that is different than treating everyone in a loving way. Unconditional love, to me, means an understanding of where the person is coming from and accepting that this is where they are right now. And you know why, because you understand their motives. Than you love them like a parent loves a child and you discipline them. This means to me, that I can love a criminal as a person, and treat them with respect, while at the same time, giving them the punishment they deserve and need to experience.
This is the same as a good parent loves a child, and yet gives them the discipline they need to experience.
When you love yourself, then you want to let go of anger, because walking around with that stuff only really hurts yourself. Spiritual loneness and wanting to go home, seems to be par for the course for a lot of people on spiritual paths, finding people you can relate to can be difficult. I do think self love is possible, and why wouldn't you love yourself? You have to live with yourself. You have to forgive yourself and extend yourself the same understanding you do to others when in unconditional love.
I've been bullied too, once you understand why the bully did what they did, you can start to forgive them and yourself and move on. Bullies usually are bullied and abused themselves and just continuing the cycle. It really helps if you can let go of caring what other people think and live for yourself, I think this is key to self love.
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